Love Library
by Cashmerella
Summary: Alfred is a university jock who falls head over heels for the school's handsome Russian librarian, who finds his constant flirting and immature attitude irksome. Can love blossom in this zany comedy as Al and friends attempt to woo Ivan? AmeRus with CanPru on the side, rated T for language and sexual implications.
1. What is this Place?

Alfred F. Jones twisted his head back and forth, utterly bewildered by his surroundings. He leaned forward in his chair, whispering to his stepbrother across the table. "_Psst._ Mattie," he whispered, his voice shaking with alarm. "What is this weird place?"

Matthew frowned. "We're in the library...?"

Alfred continued to cautiously and confusedly examine his surroundings. "Why are there walls of books everywhere? Is this some kind of sick and twisted maze? How did we get here?"

Matt rolled his eyes, sighing in disgust. "Al, there are _supposed_ to be walls of books here. This is where people study."

Alfred frowned. "Really? They have big buildings like this, just for studying?"

"Yeah."

Alfred looked around, frowning. "But why do _I_ have to be here? I hate studying."

Matthew glared at him. "Because we have a class together and we were paired up for an assignment and I'll be damned if you're gonna make me do all the work. You can flunk out if you want, lazy ass, but don't drag me down with you."

"Huh." Alfred said thoughtfully. "If they make places like this, they should really put one on campus."

"We _are_ on campus, you idiot," Matthew growled.

Alfred blinked, confused. "Really? I've never seen it. They should probably put it in a more noticeable place."

Matthew sighed deeply. "This library is in the middle of the campus, Alfred. You pass it every day on your way to class."

"What, no way! And I missed it up until now? Man, that's eerie. Maybe they need, like, awareness seminars or something. I bet a lot of students could make use of this place if they knew it existed."

Matthew closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten in his head. "Al, I think everyone except you already knew."

Alfred threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah, as if! I bet you only knew about this place because you're a nerd."

"This is why they shouldn't give out sports scholarships to people who contribute nothing else to society!" Matthew snapped angrily. "Why does a lazy, unappreciative idiot like you get a free ride while I'm stuck with student loans? You don't even give a crap about school!"

A tall, handsome man with beige hair and violet eyes poked around a nearby bookshelf. "Excuse me," he said gently, speaking with a thick Russian accent. "Can you keep it down, please?"

Alfred's jaw slowly dropped as Matthew went slightly red in the face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be quieter."

The man smiled warmly. "Thank you." He then disappeared back behind the shelf.

Matthew turned to his brother, whose jaw was hanging open like a snake preparing to swallow its prey, and scowled. "What is it now?" He hissed lowly.

"_Daaamn__,_" Alfred breathed. "He _pretty_."

Matthew facepalmed. "Alfred, we're working on schoolwork, remember? This might only be a small assignment, but it's due next week and—" he realized he was talking to an empty seat.

"_Alfred!_"

Peeking around the corner of a bookshelf curiously, Alfred examined the man. He was pushing a cart full of books and putting the books onto random shelves, for some reason or another. Alfred cleared his throat and suavely swaggered over to the Russian.

"Yo. How's it going?" He greeted him with the flirtiest playboy tone he could muster. The man didn't even glance at him and continued working. "So... I'm Al. I heard this building's on campus. You must be a student?"

The man continued at his work. "No. I'm a librarian."

Alfred frowned. "A librarian, huh? So, like... what's that mean? Is it halfway between liberal and republican?"

"It means I work at a library," the man replied casually.

Alfred looked puzzled for a moment and furrowed his brows, deep in thought before it hit him. "Oh, right! Because it's called a library! Cool." He went to the other side of the man and leaned seductively onto the cart. "Well, mister librarian, today is your lucky day."

"Oh? And why is that?" the librarian asked calmly, still not interested enough to make eye contact.

"Because, baby, you caught my attention. How would you like to spend the rest of the evening in the arms of this handsome stud?" Still leaning on the cart, he began to flex his muscles. Without a word or even a glance, the Russian man ignored him and pushed the cart forward. Alfred toppled over, landing on his butt.

The librarian sighed as Alfred's head popped out from around the corner as he continued to work. "Heh… Playing hard to get, huh? You're really good at that. Totally sexy. Just like me! See, that's why we'd be so great together. It would be, like, a colossal mass of sexiness. People would have to avert their eyes because they would implode with the sheer—"

The Russian man clamped his large hand over Alfred's large mouth and turned to him, his beautiful violet eyes only inches away. "I am trying to work," he stated calmly. He then let go and strode away, leaving Alfred stunned. After a few moments, he shakily composed himself and ran after him.

"So, ah... you take your job pretty seriously, huh? Cool, cool. I can respect that," he continued to babble, following the Russian as he towed his cart around. "So, must be a boring job, huh? Just surrounded by books all day, and all. Well, I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing. You don't really seem that nerdy, though. But hey, you never know. Don't judge a book by its cover, right? And I mean, why would somebody bother with a job like this if they hated it? Well, then again lots of people don't like their jobs. I remember once my father—_urk!_" he exclaimed as his brother yanked him back by the collar.

"Matt, what the heck? Can't you see I'm flirting it up with a hot piece of Russian mancandy? Dude, bros help bros. You should be my wingman. That is so not cool. _Gak!_" he yelped again as Matthew dragged him away forcefully. "Hey!"

"We have a project to work on," Matthew snapped, "And you're too distracted here. We're going to study elsewhere."

"But… but…"

"No buts! Harass innocent men on your own time!"

Alfred puffed up his cheeks. "I was not harassing him! I was flirting! That's totally different."

"Not when they're not interested."

"He was totally interested!"

"Yeah, I could tell by the way he was ignoring you."

"Psh, he was just playing hard to get! He was totally into me!"

"Whatever. Come on, let's go."

"No!" Alfred exclaimed as Matthew tried to pull him out the front doors, latching onto the entrance gate and wrapping all four limbs around it like a child who didn't want to leave a toy store.

"Alfred, you can come back to the library any time!" Matt shouted, pulling Alfred roughly, but he was no match for his brother's insane strength.

"But I don't know his work schedule! And thanks to you, I didn't even get to find out his name!" Al whined.

"_It's Ivan,_" Matthew spat.

"How would _you_ know?" Alfred snapped.

"Because that's what it said on his nametag, genius!" Matthew roared, still tugging.

"Oh."

Alfred, completely calm, let go and both of them toppled onto the ground. Matt quickly and angrily pulled himself up and yanked up his brother, dragging him away as Alfred laughed.

xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Also, thanks to Anon990 for editing this chapter!


	2. Dream No More, Baby

Alfred crept carefully through the aisles of bookshelves. "Man, this place is huge! There must be thousands of books! I didn't know this many books existed..."

It took him a few hours to get through the first four floors. Multiple times he got lost. He arrived at the fifth and final floor starting to lose hope. "Maybe he's not here today," he wondered, turning the corner just in time to lightly collide with his Russian beauty.

"Ah, sorry," Ivan apologized with a warm smile, before walking around Alfred and away.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Alfred insisted, following. "Ivan, right? Don't you remember me from yesterday? The hot guy?"

"Oh, I assure you, I remember."

Alfred beamed. "Oh, great!" Ivan arrived at his usual cart and continued to work, ignoring Alfred. "So I figured I'd hang out here. Don't have class today and I thought, hey, you must be pretty bored all by yourself, right? Bet you could use some epic company. I do have practice later, though. For football. I'm, like, totally an athlete. Scholarship and everything. Pretty impressive, huh? You look like you work out too. You're pretty well-built, huh? D'you play sports?"

"No," he replied coolly. He turned to Alfred and smiled, the subtle dark gleam in his eyes causing a shiver to run down Alfred's spine. "But I could probably break a man's bare neck with my hands." He chuckled to himself as he continued wheeling the cart away, putting books in their place.

Al was stunned for a moment.

"Oh my god," he thought. "I must have him."

Ivan, wide-eyed, blinked in disbelief as Alfred popped up again grinning. "Soooo… you like movies? You like dinner? You like making out? You like _this?_" He spun around like a model showcasing himself. "Yeah? Well, today's your lucky day, babe."

"Huh. Weird." Ivan frowned. "Usually talking about mangled necks scares most people off."

Alfred threw his head back and laughed. "Nope, can't get rid of me that easily! Honestly I dunno how to describe it, but... quite the opposite, actually? Dangerous guys are kinda hot, y'know? Everyone loves a bad boy!" He playfully punched Ivan in the arm.

"You are a strange one, Al," Ivan replied with a concerned look on his face, shaking his head.

Alfred grinned like a dork. "You know my name?"

Ivan gave him a condescending, sarcastic look. "Well yes, you did mention it yesterday."

"You were actually listening?" Alfred beamed. "Y'know, Matt says I talk too much. So do my friends. But you know what? That's their problem. You can really tell a lot about someone by how good of a listener they are. Like, you know you can trust the ones who listen to ya; well, either that or they want something from you. But I don't think you're like that. Dude, are you always this quiet? Maybe that's why you're such a good listener. Or are you just shy? I mean, I can understand being intimidated by my raw sex appeal and awesomeness, but I'm actually pretty down-to-earth so try not to be crushed by intimidation or anything. Besides, you're pretty sexy yourself, y'know? Plus personally, I find being a good listener a very sexy quality. It's, like, the quieter you are, the more you seem all, you know, mysterious. Like, I dunno what you're thinking. What's on your mind right now?"

Silence, as Ivan continued working.

"Aha... lemme guess! You're thinking about me, right? Well, not that that's weird since we're talking. But I bet you were totally daydreaming about the glory that exists under these barriers of clothing, right? Well, dream no more, baby. I'll make that dream a reality."

Silence.

"So... dinner? A movie? Or are you the type who likes to just get down to business?"

Silence.

"Man, are you deaf or something?" Ivan didn't reply, so he smacked his arm. "Hey! Ivan! What's with the cold shoulder, babe?"

"Sorry," he replied dryly. "I wasn't listening."

Al looked a little hurt.

"Oh," he replied quietly. He quickly picked himself back up, threw his head back, and laughed it off. "Yeah, well… I guess it's kinda hard to listen to me yammer on while you're working, huh? Maybe we should go out after you get off work, then?"

Silence.

He smacked Ivan's arm with each syllable. "Let's. Go. On. A. _Date!_" He shouted in his ear, as Ivan flinched.

Alfred was suddenly smacked up against the wall, Ivan's face inches from his, eyes like cold, fierce daggers.

"Al, let me make this very, very clear for you. _You are annoying._ Do not speak to me again." And with that Ivan stormed off, surrounded by an evil aura, leaving Alfred looking like he was about to cry.

"Ugh... ah... ha... haaa... hahaha... haha! _Hahaha!_" His near-crying turned into nervous laughter, and then a bold laugh. "Whatever! I can do better than you anyway! Geez, what a nerd. Thinking you're so much better than me. Hmph! I got, like, half the entire school wanting a piece of this action, so _ha!_" And with that, he marched out of the library victoriously.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"_Maaaatt!_" Al sobbed dramatically into his brother's shoulder, as Matthew sighed and patted Al on the back. "_H-he called me annoying!_"

"Yes, yes, I know," Matt cooed, patting him on the head.

"_And said never to speak to him again!_"

"Yes, yes. He's a jerk and you're too good for him."

Alfred jerked up, angrily. "I know, right?!" Then his face slowly scrunched up in despair as he buried his face in his brother's coat again, crying loudly.

Matt's roommate and Alfred's friend/teammate Gilbert came out of the bathroom. "Man, is the waterworks like this every time he gets dumped?" He laughed in disbelief. Matthew nodded his head, sighing.

"How do you dump _me?_ I mean, look at me," he blubbered. "Who wouldn't want all of this sexy?" He sniffled, wiping his drippy nose on his brother's jacket as Matt scowled.

"I dunno, man," Gilbert shrugged. "Everybody has a type, I guess."

"S-so… have you ever been dumped, Gil?"

Gilbert looked cornered for only a moment, then laughed nervously. "Ahahaha, of course not! Naw, I'm way, _way_ too awesome to ever get turned down! Haha..." Matt raised a sarcastic eyebrow at his roommate and Gilbert averted his eyes, coughing nervously.

"Oh, well," said Matt. "You'll find someone better."

Alfred popped up. "That's just the thing, Mattie! I'll never find anyone better! Have you seen him? He's perfect! That face, those eyes, that hair… Ugh, that _body_…"

Matthew frowned. "So basically it's all about looks, then."

"Hey, don't judge me!" Al snapped defensively. "Everyone has priorities and makes compromises on other things!"

"Well maybe if you had focused on something other than his looks, he would've given you a chance," Matthew shot back.

"But... but..." Alfred stammered. "He's hot! _I'm_ hot! It's like we were made for each other!"

His brother sighed, exhausted. "Al, I'm going to give you some tough love: you are shallow. You are selfish and egotistical. I bet you spent the entire time ranting on about yourself like you always do instead of being interested in what he has to say and asking him questions and trying to learn about him as though you actually give a damn which is _why_ you always get turned down."

Alfred raised a hand in protest and opened his mouth, but couldn't think of an argument that worked in his favor. "...What do you expect me to do, then?"

Matthew scoffed. "Oh I don't know, maybe actually take an interest in him? Find out your shared interests so you have some common ground, and use that to build your relationship? AKA what normal people do?"

Alfred paused. "That's so crazy, it just might work."

Gilbert snickered.

"It's not crazy! It's _normal!_" Matthew roared. "Were you dropped on your head as a child? Do you understand how social interaction works? And you call _me_ the dork? God, how are we related?" Alfred just laughed like he always did, which as always made Matthew angrier.

"Argh!" He exclaimed, pulling his hair as he exited the room. He could be heard quietly and shakily counting to ten as he went down the hallway.

Gilbert plopped down next to Al. "So bro, you gonna give up on him?"

Alfred grinned. "No way in hell! I'm gonna woo him so hard it'll be like a tornado of sexiness punched right through his face!"

Gilbert hit him in the arm playfully, smirking. "That's the spirit! Go get 'im, tiger!"

"Damn straight!" Alfred screamed enthusiastically, nearly giving Gilbert a heart attack, hopping up from Matthew's bed. "I'm like a motherfucking tiger about to pounce! _Better run, Ivan,'cuz you about to be dinner!_"

"Dude... dude, calm down," Gil muttered in disbelief as Alfred selected "Eye of the Tiger" on Gilbert's boombox and began intensely crumping in the middle of the room with a fiercely determined expression.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing this chapter!


	3. Can't Keep Me Away

Ivan was putting away books from his cart, enjoying the quiet bliss his job provided him, until a familiar voice called out, "Yo, sugar lips!" He turned around to greet a grinning Alfred. "How's it goin'?"

Ivan blinked in disbelief. "You actually came back?"

"Yup!" Alfred replied proudly. "You just can't keep me away! I keep comin' back and getting in your pants! Like herpes!"

Ivan sighed deeply and buried his face in his hands. "That is the most unattractive simile I have ever heard."

Alfred shrugged. "I was going for accuracy."

Ivan scoffed. "Well, comparing yourself to a disease is actually pretty accurate," he muttered. Alfred pretended not to hear him.

"So, big guy, I recently learned that a good flirting tip is actually being interested in the other person."

Ivan rolled his eyes. "Really?"

"I know, right? Who would've thought!" Alfred exclaimed as Ivan groaned. "So, let's start with you. Tell me all about yourself!"

"I'd really rather not..." Ivan sighed.

"Well if you don't talk, I'll have to keep up the conversation all by myself!" Alfred grinned. "And trust me, I can talk for hours and hours and—"

"Alright," Ivan cut him off sharply, already exhausted. "What exactly is it you want to know?"

"Everything you can think of!" Alfred declared. "Tell me your life story! Tell me about your family and your home! Tell me everything you like and everything you don't!"

Ivan sighed again. One of the great things about this job was how little interaction he had with others, and how few of them were obnoxious and loud. It was easy for him to be polite to people he didn't like for the sake of his job, but this guy was getting on his last nerve. However, if he lost his temper and were to get carried away, he could very well get fired. But this guy didn't want to give up. That was it; he had no choice. At least while at work, he had to entertain the brat's whims until he finally gave up.

"I have no idea where to start."

"Well... hmm. When did you move here from Russia?" Alfred questioned.

The Russian man paused thoughtfully. "Hm... must've been ten years ago now."

"Wow, really?" Alfred asked, surprised. "You still have a noticeable accent. How old are you, anyway?"

"I'm twenty-three. My family moved here when I was thirteen. It's not that unusual that I have an accent since I only spoke Russian for the first thirteen years of my life, so I'd already developed a certain way of speaking."

"Oh, so you're like, four years older than me? Cool," Alfred replied. "What was Russia like?"

Ivan got a thoughtful look. "Well..."

FOUR HOURS LATER

"And, uh... my favourite colour is yellow..." Ivan continued nervously as Al patiently stood there, silently beaming. "Crap," Ivan thought. "I'm running out of things to talk about."

"I, erm, hm..." He thought so desperately that he couldn't come up with anything.

"You outta things to talk about?" Alfred asked excitedly.

"Uh, yeah." Ivan clenched his eyes shut and prepared for the worst.

"Okay. Well, see ya around!" Al replied gleefully, as he picked up his bag. Ivan frowned.

"You're leaving?"

"Yup," Alfred nodded. "I got practice today. Later!"

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Alfred sighed sadly, staring off into space as he and Gilbert made their way back to the dorms.

"Man, what's wrong?" Gilbert questioned. "You were totally off your game in practice. Something on your mind? How'd it go today?"

Alfred remained silent.

"Ooh... that's not a good sign," Gil thought to himself. He laughed and patted Alfred on the back. "Aw, don't worry about it, man. You're a great catch. You just gotta find somebody who appreciates you, that's all. Trust me, I know awesome when I see it."

Alfred sighed sadly again, not seeming to hear him. They reached Gilbert's room, and Al suddenly jumped back to life, nearly scaring Gilbert out of his skin. He stormed inside like a locomotive and flying tackled his brother onto his bed.

"Ow! Al, what the hell!" Matt yelped.

"You _jerk!_" Alfred yelled. "You told me to get to know him!"

Matthew frowned. "Yeah? So?"

"We have literally nothing in common!" Alfred shouted in desperation. "He likes... reading, and knitting, and plays, and old people music! What the heck do I do noooow?!" His shouts turned into pathetic sobs as he buried his face in Matt's shirt. His brother looked to the heavens in exhaustion as if to ask, "Why? What have I done in a past life to deserve this?"

Matthew pulled up his brother, looking him in the eyes. "Come on, pull yourself together! Have some dignity!"

"But what do I _do?_" Al blubbered. Matthew sighed.

"Well, that's up to you. You could give up on him and try to find someone who shares your interests."

"But I like him!" Alfred whined.

Matthew scowled. "Well then learn more about the stuff he likes! Try something new! Who knows, maybe you'll actually like other things if you give them a try."

Alfred sighed, exhausted, and curled up into a ball. Matthew pushed his brother off himself and Al rolled casually onto the floor, spread out his arms and legs, and lay there, staring at the ceiling and sighing dreamily.

"Geez, this is so much trouble..." He sighed wearily as Gilbert plopped down on his bed, drinking from his water bottle.

"Then I guess you have to ask yourself the important question," Gil piped in. "Is he worth it?"

Alfred's eyes widened and he popped up from the ground with vigor. He turned to Gilbert and grinned.

"Definitely."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing this chapter!


	4. Super Studly Training Regime

Heroic music boomed from Alfred's room. He sat there, dressed head-to-toe in workout attire and sweatbands, as he attached a large poster board entitled "Al's Super Studly Training Regime" to his wall.

**AL'S SUPER STUDLY TRAINING REGIME**

_Romeo and Juliet_

_Macbeth_

_Hamlet_

_A Midsummer Night's Dream_

_Twelfth Night_

_Brave New World_

_Sherlock Holmes_

_Paradise Lost_

_Lord of the Flies_

_To Kill a Mockingbird_

_Edgar Allen Poe's Popular Works_

_Alice in Wonderland_

_Dracula_

_Frankenstein_

_Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_

_The Picture of Dorian Gray_

_One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_

_Moby Dick_

_The Adventures of Tom Sawyer_

_The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_

_Of Mice and Men_

_Catcher in the Rye_

_The Great Gatsby_

_Pride and Prejudice_

_Beowulf_

_The Count of Monte Cristo_

_Oliver Twist_

_1984_

_Don Quixote_

_The Hobbit_

_Lord of the Rings_

_Harry Potter_

_The Hunger Games_

_Game of Thrones_

_Interview with the Vampire_

_Life of Pi_

_The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_

_The Old Man and the Sea_

_20,000 Leagues Under the Sea_

_Memoirs of a Geisha_

_The Stand_

_It_

_The Shining_

_The Green Mile_

_The Odyssey_

_Catch-22_

_Lolita_

_Around the World in Eighty Days_

_The Diary of a Young Girl_

_Robinson Crusoe_

_The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_

_Peter Pan_

_Alice in Wonderland_

_For Whom the Bell Tolls_

_The Phantom of the Opera_

_The Hunchback of Notre Dame_

_Brothers Grimm_

_The Portrait of a Lady_

_Uncle Tom's Cabin_

_A Clockwork Orange_

_All Quiet on the Western Front_

_Journey to the Center of the Earth_

_The Outsiders_

_A Streetcar Named Desire_

_Anne of Green Gables_

_Black Beauty_

_Arabian Nights_

_The Invisible Man_

_...more to be added._

Though he should've been used to his roommate's crazy antics by now, Toris frowned. "I see you've taken an interest in literature."

"_What?!_" Alfred yelled over the loud volume of "The Final Countdown", nearly shaking the walls.

"_I said I see you've taken an interest in literature!_"

"Oh." Alfred turned off his music. "Yeah, kinda. I guess."

"That's quite a list," Toris replied. "You're going to do all of that while in school?"

"Yup! When I decide to do something, I put my all into it!" Alfred declared proudly.

"But when will you have time to study?"

"Pfft, who needs studying? I never studied in high school and I did just fine."

Toris frowned and opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. "Well, let him make his own mistakes, I guess. If he's not serious, then he's not. Maybe if he doesn't do well it'll motivate him to do better next semester." He cleared his throat. "So… when's your goal to finish them? By the end of the year?"

Al laughed. "No way! I don't have that kind of time. I was thinking, like, a week or so."

Toris gave him a dumbfounded look. "A _week?_ Um... have you, ah... looked at these books yet?"

"Naw. But I can get 'em from the library. And lots of them are so old you can just read them online or get them on apps for free and stuff."

Toris frowned again. "Alfred, when was the last time you read a book?"

Alfred paused thoughtfully. "Hm. You know, I don't think I've ever actually finished a book. Like, in school I kinda tried to skim through one but I got totally bored. I finished some comics, though. And I'm a fast reader. Reading is no biggie for someone as epic and smart as me."

"Erm, I think it might take longer than you think. I mean, some of these are really, really long, and some are in Old English. And if you read them too fast there'd be no point, right? Some of these books are really deep. You gotta really study them to understand, you get it?"

Alfred threw his head back and laughed. "Don't worry, Tori! This will be a piece of cake for someone like me! I'll be fine!"

He patted Toris on the back as Toris shook his head, holding it in his hands in worry. "Let him make his own mistakes, let him make his own mistakes..."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Matthew sighed at his desk. Gil peered over his shoulder. "Whatcha sighin' over, Birdy?" Matt blushed lightly at the affectionate nickname Gilbert had given him.

"Well, I can't get this piece to work quite right." He looked over his sketch and sighed. He had been quite excited to be an art major, and he did feel as though he had talent, but university level art programs were quite difficult. They had very high expectations and Matthew wanted his work to be as perfect as possible.

"Hm." Gil paused thoughtfully. "It looks fine to me. Then again, I don't know much about art. The arm seems a little off, though..."

Matthew sighed. "I know... It's so frustrating to know what's wrong but not know exactly how to fix it." He erased the arm for the fourteenth time. Matt finally dropped his pencil and sighed, scrunching up the paper and throwing it into the trash as Gilbert gaped. He ran over to the trash can and pulled it out.

"Birdy, you can't treat your art that way! Besides, it's only one mistake! You can fix it if you keep trying! And you'll never get better if you don't—"

"That's not it," replied Matthew, sighing again. "The thing is, even if the arm looked right, I'm really not happy with that piece."

Gilbert frowned. "Why?"

"I don't really know how to explain it, but it's just not turning out the way I pictured it in my head. Besides, there's no point in going to all that effort to fix it if I won't be happy with it by the end. I'll just start over."

He pulled out a new piece of paper, and Gil cleared his throat. "Would it be easier if you had a model?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I could model for you. If you want." Gilbert blushed slightly, nervously running his fingers through his hair. "It might help. And, well, I really love your art, so it'd be really cool if you could draw me sometime." Matthew blushed at the compliment as Gilbert began to laugh off his awkwardness. "Plus, I mean, I'd make an awesome model, right?" He flexed his muscles. "Y'know, my bein' so sexy and all."

Matthew blushed still, but laughed. "That sounds like something Al would say."

Gilbert laughed too. "Well, what can I say? We're totally awesome." Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Alright. Do you want me to draw you or not?"

"Sure!" Gil exclaimed, grinning. He struck a pose.

"Um, you'll probably want to assume a more casual pose. Probably a comfortable one. You'll have to sit still for a while."

Gilbert laughed. "Yeah, I guess." He pulled a chair over to his desk and leaned on his elbow casually.

"Alrighty then. Don't move until I'm done." Matthew began to sketch. Staring intently at Gilbert's masculine figure, he blushed as he drew his muscular arms in detail.

"Damn," he thought to himself. "How in the world did I end up crushing on a guy who's as narcissistic as Al?" Matthew smiled to himself, blushing a bit, as he continued to sketch.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Ivan turned and looked at the clock. It was 6 pm. "Odd," he thought to himself. "I guess he isn't coming today."

Not that he would complain, of course. He had just been prepared for it.

It wasn't that he minded company. In fact, sometimes the job could be a little slow and it was nice to have a friend at work. "But I'd rather be alone than in the company of an idiot," he thought. He smiled blissfully as he continued to wheel his cart down the aisle, not at all expecting that the "idiot" he so despised was plotting a large-scale scheme to squirm his way into Ivan's life.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Thanks again to my editor Anon990!


	5. You're The Best Around

Matthew was flipping through some old sketches when his cellphone rang. He immediately recognized the ringtone, "American Idiot", which was assigned to his brother. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, pressed the answer button, and immediately regretted this decision. "_Matt!_" Alfred wailed, as Matthew held the phone away from his ear, wincing.

He sighed deeply. "What is it, Al?"

Panicked, Alfred stammered, "M-Matt, have you ever _read_ classic literature? It's _so long!_ It takes so much longer to read than I thought! This list is gonna take me _way_ longer than a week!" He sobbed pathetically into his brother's ear.

"How far did you even get?"

"I finished one chapter," Alfred sniffled. "It wouldn't be so boring if there weren't so many words_._ Look how many I still have to go! I just looked and some of these books have, like, _so_ many chapters! And they're not all the same length! What's up with that? Where's the consistency? How am I supposed to keep track?! They should have rules for this kind of stuff!"

Matthew sighed. He knew his brother well enough to know what would happen next. He would decide he wanted something that was a lot of hard work, begin working towards it, then whine that it was difficult, get bored, and move on to something else. He always did.

"You finally gonna give up?"

Al sighed and went quiet for a moment. "No. No way. I'm gonna _own_ those books, just you wait and see," he replied determinedly, hanging up.

Matthew was stunned. "Well, that's more time than he gives most things," he thought to himself. "But he surely won't get through all of it." After all, it was a long leap from taking the easy route your whole life to actually working your hardest for something.

Having just showered, Gilbert came out from the bathroom wearing only a pair of jeans. Matthew glanced at the water droplets dripping down his sculpted chest and gulped. "C-can I sketch you again?" He blurted out.

"Hm?" Gil paused and then laughed. "What, you checkin' me out, Birdy?"

Matthew turned red in the face. "No! I was just thinking you're got a nice physique so it would be a nice opportunity to draw it... since you work out and all. I mean, nice from a purely artistic point of view! I just wanna practice my anatomy! It's perfectly innocent!" He squeaked. Gil laughed again.

"Aw, don't worry, Birdy. I'm just teasin'. You're too cute when you get all flustered."

He plopped down in his chair while Matthew quietly got so flustered he practically shook.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Toris glanced up like a curious puppy as Alfred posted his new training regime. He was decked out in work-out gear once more and "You're the Best" blasted from his iPod dock. Toris looked the list over apprehensively. "I see you're trying to be a little more realistic."

"Yup! Gonna read just a few books a day, depending on the length, for about four weeks. I won't check everything off the list, but it'll be enough for a start. Then I'm gonna use my newfound knowledge to woo the pants off that Russian bombshell!" He pumped his fist into the air victoriously.

Toris frowned. "Alfred, these books are complex. I doubt you'll understand the intricacies of them if you just blast through them as fast as you can. And even if you know what happens, studying them is a whole different—"

Alfred waved his hand at Toris and went "psh" as though to write off what he was saying. "Man, it's no biggie. I've got a brain, like, the size of my ego. I'll be just fine, Tori." Toris sighed and held his head in his hands, fraught with worry for his friend, but held himself back from nagging.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Thanks again to Anon990 for editing!


	6. Homewrecker

END OF WEEK ONE

Toris was surprised, impressed, and shocked at Alfred's commitment to his regime. He spent all of his time reading, and much to Toris's discomfort, all of his time in rare silence. He was a surprisingly fast reader, even with Old English, though Toris was quite worried about whether or not he could understand what he was reading. He didn't want his friend to make a fool of himself, but Alfred marched to the beat of his own drum. He always did what he wanted so there was no point in nagging him and Toris knew that by now, despite only having been roommates for a couple months.

Toris had no idea what was going on in Al's head; ever since he started reading, he was in constant silence. He went to class, but never was he seen doing any homework. At the dorm all he did was read for a straight week. He was there reading every night when Toris went to bed and every morning when Toris woke up. Of course he must've slept at some point, but his roommate didn't seem to require much sleep to maintain his boundless energy anyway since he always stayed up ridiculously late and attended class early the next morning. All he did besides read was go to class (one to two classes per weekday), work out (one hour a day), sleep (occasionally), go to football practice, shower, and eat (while reading). He must've been wildly fast because to Toris's surprise he was always reading a different book, steadily crossing them off of his list.

Sunday – _Romeo and Juliet_, _A Little Princess_

Monday – _Twelfth Night_, _Brave New World_

Tuesday – _Hamlet_, _I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings_

Wednesday – _Macbeth_, _Life of Pi_

Thursday – _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, _Sense and Sensibility_

Friday – _Little House on the Prairie_, _Pride and Prejudice_

Saturday – _The Great Gatsby_, _Lolita_

It was startling, the way he would get into a book. Almost as if he enjoyed it…

There was a light knock on the door. "Al?"

Alfred seemed to not notice. Toris went over and opened the door to reveal a concerned Matthew. "I haven't heard from my brother all week. Is he okay?" Toris awkwardly motioned to the man curled up in the corner with his nose in _Beowulf_. Startled, Matthew slowly crawled over to his brother. "Al, are you okay?"

Silence.

"He's been like this all week! Has barely said a word! I'm worried, Matt... Maybe they were too much for him?" Toris flung his hands to his head. "Oh dear god, they broke his brain!"

"Toris, calm down," Matthew insisted. He put his hand on his brother's shoulder and shook it gently. "Alfred?" Al put up a finger to indicate he was busy as his eyes quickly scanned the page at a remarkable speed. Finally he put the book down. His face was dead serious.

"Matt, just the person I wanted to see! I was gonna call you, but I got sort of… distracted," he replied nervously.

Matt's jaw dropped.

"You _like_ it!"

Alfred attempted, and failed, to look greatly offended. "N-no I don't!" He stammered.

"Yes, you do!" Matthew grinned victoriously. "You like reading!"

"Shut up!"

"You're reading classical literature and you're _enjoying it._"

"Matthew Williams, you watch your mouth!" He spat, red-faced, clutching the book to his chest like he was protecting a human baby.

"Whatever you say." Matthew grinned, while his brother pouted like an angry child. "So, you were gonna call me? What do you need now?"

"Ahem," Alfred cleared his throat, eager to change the subject. "I gotta stay in the game, see? Can't win him over without constant effort. But, see, I'm really busy right now and I'm not ready to see him yet."

"Oh? Why not?" Matthew queried.

"_Because,_" Alfred spat like a spoiled child, "I have not yet completed my transformation to his perfect man! He can't get a sneak peek! That's like knowing what your presents are before Christmas!"

"You always peeked at your presents."

"Exactly! It made Christmas somewhat less exciting."

Matthew couldn't argue with that. He was too stunned at his brother using sound logic to argue anyway.

"So?"

"So I was hoping you could… y'know… scope things out for me. Check up on him."

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "You want me to stalk the guy you're trying to pick up."

Alfred clenched his hands together and looked to his brother with teary, pleading eyes. "_Please?_"

"I'm not stalking anybody."

"You don't have to stalk him," Alfred insisted. "Just go to the library and start chatting it up with him or something. Maybe even get some info for me."

"Why should I do this?" Matthew sighed.

Alfred pouted. "Because I'm your bro and you love me to pieces?"

Matthew scowled. "No."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Matt sighed in frustration as he walked through the library entrance. "Geez, I can't believe this. I spoil him too much. No wonder he turned out to be such a brat." He quickly spotted Ivan and began to panic. "Uh oh… I don't have a plan or anything! What do I do?" He stood like a deer in headlights until Ivan turned and saw the look on his face.

"Hello, can I help you with anything? You look a little stressed. Big assignment?"

"Erm, no. Just killing some time. I'm just a bit shy, so, uh, I don't do that great in public places," he mumbled. It was really all he could think of and was probably convincing since he was slightly on the shy side.

Ivan smiled. "Here, come with me." He lightly guided Matthew by the arm to the third floor. They weaved through bookcases to a lone back corner where there was a large window and a small, secluded place with a couple of comfy chairs. "Is this better?"

"Huh. He's actually kind of considerate," Matthew thought. "Um, thanks. I really appreciate it," he replied.

"No problem," Ivan said, smiling kindly as he turned to walk away. Matthew awkwardly grabbed his arm.

"Would you like to join me?"

Ivan blinked, surprised.

"Um, I mean, you wanna take a break? Chat for a little bit, maybe? You seem nice and all…"

Ivan sighed, sounding slightly annoyed. "No thank you. I have work to do." He started down the aisle, and Matthew took off after him.

"Wait! Can I join you?"

Ivan gave him a funny look while Matthew got flustered. "Wow, this is really awkward," he thought. "I totally sound like I'm hitting on him."

"You look familiar." Ivan furrowed his brow.

"Well, I do come here sometimes..." Matt cleared his throat awkwardly.

Ivan looked as though he had suddenly come to a realization, then sighed. "Your brother put you up to this, correct?"

Matthew let out a huge sigh of exasperation. "_Yes._ I'm really sorry; he just wanted me to check up on you. Hey, wait, did he mention me?"

"No, but you were with him when we first met. I recall the two of you making a large scene at the library entrance."

Matthew's face boiled crimson with embarrassment. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry about that."

Ivan sighed softly then smiled. "It's okay. He sounds like a handful."

"Oh, he is," Matthew huffed. "He's so annoying. He always acts like a child. I feel like a babysitter." Ivan laughed sweetly.

"I thought he had given up. I haven't seen him in a while. He hasn't been stalking me, right?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh no. He's determined to do some 'self-improvement' before he tries to hit on you again, considering what a blow that was to his ego. He's super serious about it; he's got a training regime and everything. It's so ridiculous." Matthew rolled his eyes.

"I see." Ivan chuckled. "Well, good luck to him. I understand, though. While I do love my younger sister, she is a handful as well."

"Really? I mean, I love my brother too, but yeah. She can't be worse than Alfred, though."

Ivan laughed nervously. "She's a lovely girl, but she gets far too worked up over things she's passionate about."

"Sounds like Alfred. Except, y'know, the girl part. I mean, this one time, we were—" Ivan gently put a finger to Matthew's lips.

"While I would love to chat, I do have a job to do," Ivan stated calmly.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'll leave," Matt replied awkwardly. Ivan smiled.

"I get off in half an hour if you still have time to kill," he offered, to which Matt smiled.

X

"_You went out to dinner with him?!_" Alfred shouted in utter disbelief. "I told you to scope him out, not steal him from me! _You home wrecker!_" He roared, and Gil held him back as he struggled and swung his fists about. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"We didn't go on a restaurant date, _chill._ We went to a casual café and talked. Like, as friends. He's a pretty down-to-earth guy."

"Really?" Alfred seemed to calm down, curiousity winning over. "What did you guys talk about?"

"Oh, I just told him funny stories about dumb stuff you've done." Matthew shrugged.

"Maaatt!" Alfred whined. "You weren't supposed to tell him embarrassing stuff! You were just supposed to get information!"

Matthew shrugged. "Oh well. At least he knows you a bit better now."

"Hey, I guess that's right." Alfred beamed suddenly. "The more he hears about me, the more I'll be on his mind! Like planting the seed of thought! It's perfect!" He grinned. "So, now that you guys are friends, you'll put in a good word for me, right?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "Ivan's personal choices are not for me to decide," he replied. His phone beeped. He pulled it out and chuckled to himself before starting to put it away. Alfred frowned suspiciously.

"Who was that?"

"Nobody," Matthew replied flatly.

"What do you mean, 'nobody'? Someone obviously just texted you," he spat. He gasped slowly. "You have his number. You have his number, don't you?" He leapt up.

"It's none of your business!" Matthew spat back. Alfred dove at him.

"_Gimme!_" He wailed, grabbing at the phone as Matthew held it as far away as possible in his hand while Gilbert tried to pull them apart.

"No way, man! Ivan would be so mad!"

"You're on a first name basis with my sweet honey?" Alfred's jaw dropped. "_Giilll!_ My sweet, sweet matryoshka doll loves Mattie more than me!" He wailed, throwing himself into Gilbert's arms as his friend patted his head comfortingly. Matthew huffed in annoyance.

"Wow. And I wonder why he's not interested," he replied sarcastically.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

And thanks again to Anon990 for editing!


	7. Here Comes The Bromobile

END OF WEEK TWO

"How's this pose, Birdy?" Gilbert grinned, flexing as he stretched out seductively on his bed. Matthew got slightly flustered.

"Fine, if you can hold it for an hour."

Gilbert nodded very seriously. "Anything for my sexiness to be shared. The world deserves it. My biceps are humanity's saviors."

They both broke out laughing. "Alright, if you really think so. Gotta admire that optimism."

"Aw, c'mon Birdy, y'know you love me." Gilbert winked. "Bet that's why you get me to model for you every day."

Matthew turned bashfully crimson. "No it isn't!"

"Aw, really? Too bad, you'd make a cute wife, keseseses!"

Matthew's face flared scarlet, and his eyes nearly popped out of his face. "_Wife?_ W-where did that come from?"

"Well, you're innocent and shy and easily flustered and super cute... and you're a great cook. You'd make an awesome bride, don't you think?"

Matthew buried his face in his sketchpad. "You're so weird," he groaned, his voice muffled.

"Okay then, how about I be your wife? I mean, we're already living together and I do most of the cleaning anyway."

Matthew laughed, his face even redder. "Gil, no offense, but you don't exactly have feminine charms."

Gilbert gasped. "I am _insulted_, Birdy! I have charms of all sorts!" He winked, nudging Matthew in the ribs as he added, "Not to mention, I look sexy in _anything._ Maid costume, nurse uniform, bride outfit, you name it, I can pull it off."

Matthew snorted loudly and slapped his hand over his face a little too hard. "Ow. Oops." Gil's phone buzzed loudly, and Gilbert flipped it open.

"_Gilbert! It's an emergency! I'm invoking the bro code!_" Alfred shouted over his music as Gilbert held the phone away from his ear and winced.

"_Okay, man! You can count on me!_" He screeched back as Alfred also held his phone away and winced. He hung up, grinning. "Sorry, Birdy, gotta fly." He ruffled Matthew's hair and ran out of the dorm room.

Matthew sighed. "Al, you suck."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Alfred was still reading at a steady pace. Toris was surprised, both at the way he raced through the books and his growing excitement while reading them. This week he read:

Sunday – _Beowulf_

Monday – _The Odyssey_, _The Canterbury Tales_

Tuesday – _Uncle Tom's Cabin_, _The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo_

Wednesday – _Crime and Punishment_

Thursday to Friday – _Don Quixote_

Friday to Saturday – _Gone With the Wind_

Today he had begun the Sherlock Holmes series and was glued to the book. After a while, he gasped as though he remembered something and then made a rather loud phone call to Gilbert. Before he could get distracted again, Toris cleared his throat. "Hey. Alfred."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"I haven't seen you doing any homework lately. How are you doing in your classes?"

Alfred laughed. "Aw, don't worry about that. It's fine."

How was it fine? "You know, university is very different from high school. It requires a lot more effort, and there are assignments, tests... Don't you have any of those to do?"

Alfred shrugged. "Tests are no big deal. As long as I pay attention in class, I'll be fine. I'm a fast reader, so I can just skim the textbook. And assignments take me, like, literally no time flat. I type fast. So relax, man!" He patted Toris on the back, but his roommate just furrowed his brow.

"I'm starting to see a pattern in your behavior. I'm quite worried about you."

Toris leapt a foot in the air as Gilbert burst in the door loudly screaming, "_Here comes the Bromobile! Choo Choooo!_" as he ran towards Alfred in a childish, plane-flying-motion.

"_That's a train noise, you fool!_" Alfred shouted, offended. "_And why the hell does the Bromobile fly?_"

"_Because it flies!_" Gilbert shouted back defensively. Toris put in his earplugs, sighing and massaging his temples.

Alfred stroked his chin and raised an eyebrow. "Touché, my worthy rival."

They both grinned and embraced firmly before jumping up and bumping chests to initiate a secret handshake that began with a bro-fist, had some sort of Irish step dance in the middle along with a sassy finger snap, and ended with ferocious back-to-back shimmying. Toris recalled the first time he had seen this handshake; he had called for an ambulance because he thought they were having seizures near the end. For two popular athletes, they weren't very good dancers, and for the most part their "sweet moves" consisted of flailing about, similar to a person drowning, but above water.

"Man, we are so damn awesome!" Gilbert shouted with gusto, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"Hell yeah!" Alfred screamed, high-fiving his friend. He then gasped. "Oh yeah, bro! I almost forgot why I called you here!"

"Sorry," Gilbert replied dramatically, flinging a hand over his forehead like a distressed maiden, "I distracted you with my awesomeness again."

Alfred snorted and grinned. "Yeah, sure. I'll get over it. Anyway, dude, can you go scope out Ivan for me today? Apparently my brother's a home wrecker so you're my best bet." He clasped his hands around Gilbert's. "I'm counting on you, bro! Don't let me down!"

Toris sighed to himself, wondering why these guys didn't realize they were actually total dorks, as he attempted to do his homework over Alfred's loud music. How he could read at the speed of light with this noise blaring he'd never know.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	8. Operation Wingman

END OF WEEK TWO (Part Two)

Gilbert was on a mission.

He was hiding behind a telephone pole in an army uniform. He dove and rolled behind a nearby trashcan. He then crawled, as though under barbed wire, to hide behind a nearby building as confused students stepped over him.

He pulled himself up, his face decorated with war paint, and pulled out a walkie-talkie. "The library is in my sight," he reported.

"Go get 'im, buddy!" Alfred shouted, his voice muffled over the sounds of "Triumph" by Pitbull blasting in the background. Gilbert nodded to himself and continued to parkour his way to the library as fellow students gave him incredulous looks.

"Isn't this a bit much?" Toris questioned loudly over the music.

"What do you mean?" Al shouted, confused.

"I mean, I know intensity is normal for you guys, but shouldn't this sort of thing be subtle?"

"That's why he's going undercover!" Alfred shouted. "It's a covert operation mission!"

"It's not very covert if you attract that much attention," Toris replied at the top of his cracking voice, strained from always yelling. "Besides, I get that you really like him, but you're taking what would be a casual situation a bit seriously, aren't you?"

Alfred gave him a serious look. "Toris." He turned down his music to low, stunning him. "I asked this favour of Gilbert as his friend. It's normal to take it seriously, isn't it? He's doing this in the name of our friendship. That he takes it so seriously just goes to show you how much he cares. I would do the same thing for any of my close friends, including you."

Toris was startled by his earnestness and blushed slightly, not used to Alfred being so direct. But then he smiled. "You've got a point, Alfred. And thank you. I really appreciate that."

"Besides... dude, haven't you always wanted to go on a covert ops mission?! I mean, it's totally cool, right?! Like, right out of an action movie! And we get to practice our sweet parkour!" He exclaimed, punching the air.

Toris sighed. "So basically you're bullshitting to cover the fact that you and Gil want to play spy?"

Alfred laughed loudly. "Pretty much, dude! You catch on quick!" And he turned up the music again as he went back to his reading, walkie-talkie at the ready.

Toris sighed over his crazy roommate as he drank water to soothe his throat. Like, seriously? Taking the bus halfway across town to buy ridiculously expensive, top-grade walkie-talkies that would work from anywhere on campus? _Stealing_ (or, as Al and Gil called it, "borrowing") the military uniform from the history department's display case? His roommate was a good guy, but he could really be an idiot sometimes. Toris just prayed that his involvement with Alfred would not one day get him expelled or arrested.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Eduard von Bock sat quietly and peacefully by a library window as he flipped through the pages of one of his favourite books. He heard an odd creak and turned, frowning, towards the nearby window. He paused for a moment. "Hm. Must be a bird or something." As he finished the next page, just starting to get into it, he jumped as he heard a loud thud. Eduard turned to see that a guy in a military uniform and war paint had toppled out of the nearby window. His mouth moved as he tried to stammer out a few words, but nothing came out. The man didn't seem to notice him (or if he did, didn't care since he was fixated on something else), and tucked into a roll, disappearing behind a nearby bookshelf.

Eduard was less startled by the man's attire, attitude, and the fact that he entered by window, than by the fact that the window was on the second floor.

Gilbert picked a leaf from the outside tree out of his hair and pulled out his walkie-talkie. "I have infiltrated the enemy headquarters," he reported in a hushed voice. "Seeking out target."

"Good job, soldier!" Alfred shouted back, alerting everyone nearby to the walkie-talkie and the odd-looking and strangely-mannered man operating it. Gilbert ignored the students staring at him and crept to the next aisle as though he was actually not noticed.

He poked his head around the next corner carefully, like he might have to dodge enemy attacks, and spotted a fair-haired, large man putting books back into the shelves next to his trademark librarian cart.

"I have spotted the target," Gil whispered loudly into the walkie-talkie.

"Engage!" Alfred shouted over his music.

Ivan turned in Gilbert's direction, frowning. "Excuse me? Is someone there?"

Gilbert rolled out from behind the bookcase and pulled himself up, whipping out a gun and pointing it like an action movie cop. "Put your hands up, scumbag!"

Ivan blinked in disbelief for a moment. There was a pause.

Then Gilbert laughed. "Just kidding! I—" As he started to put his arm down, Ivan grabbed his hand and twisted it. Gilbert yelped as he was quickly and violently smashed against the nearby bookshelf with Ivan's elbow on his throat.

"I-I was joking!" Gilbert squeaked, partially from the elbow on his throat and partially from sheer, unfathomable terror. "It's a squirt gun! A squirt gun! I bought it at the dollar store!"

Ivan frowned at him in disbelief and disgust as he pulled the trigger, squirting out a stream of water.

"Are you an imbecile?"

"Well, uh—"

"That was rhetorical. Of course you're an imbecile. You do realize you could be expelled—no, arrested even—for pulling a prank like this?"

"Um," Gilbert stammered. "S-sorry?"

"Sorry? That's all you can say?"

"Err... well… what else do you want me to do? Write an apology note to all of humanity for being stupid?"

"It's a start," Ivan sneered, tossing the water pistol behind his back.

"I'd have a comeback for that, but... dude, you're intensely hardcore. Like, who attacks a person with a gun?"

"This is my place of work. I cannot allow my place of work, coworkers, or customers to be endangered. Plus, well, I didn't want to get shot. But that's beside the point."

"Wow. I gotta respect that, man. I can see why Mattie and Al like you so much; you're a total ass-kicker."

Ivan's frown disappeared slowly and was replaced with a slight smile. "Ah, so you are a friend of Matvey's?" He paused, looking him over. He smiled wider, almost mischievously. "You're Gilbert, yes?"

Gilbert frowned. "Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"Matvey has told me so much about you."

Gilbert blinked in surprise. "Really?" He paused. "Good things, right?"

Ivan smiled warmly. "Yes. Very good."

Gil smiled, visibly pleased. "Well, we are friends, after all." He grinned. "Plus, y'know, I'm awesome, so it's pretty hard to think of anything bad to say about me anyway."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. "That sounded like something Alfred would say."

"I know, right? He's my brother from another mother. _And_ my best friend. Awesomeness attracts, I guess." He grinned.

"I suppose Alfred sent you in his place, like Matvey?" Ivan sighed. Gil straightened himself up, suddenly very serious as he remembered his mission.

"Dude, I know, like, you don't think much of Al, but he's actually a really great guy. I don't know what exactly it is you don't like about him, but whatever it could be he's got so many great qualities to offset that. Like, he's loyal and honest. Wears his heart on his sleeve, y'know? He might seem lazy at first but it's just his priorities are a little odd. When he really wants something he goes for it one million percent, which is why he's such a gifted athlete. He might get sad or frustrated easily, but he's also easily cheered up and never stays in a bad mood for long. He might seem a little dense at times, but it's just because he saves his effort for when it counts. And when he actually puts his brain to work, he's actually really, really smart! Like, a genius! He might take it a bit over-the-top sometimes, but he's really fun! And at times when he seems overly lame or childish, don't take it too seriously because he doesn't either. He's just a really fun-loving guy. When he acts weird just laugh, and he'll laugh too. Like, seventy-five percent of the stuff he says isn't even serious, especially if it's lame—he's just trying to make you laugh. And he doesn't know a lot of people like you, so he doesn't quite know how to interact with you yet, so he might've said or done some stupid things, but it's just because he's at a loss at how to impress you, honestly. And he might seem confident, but he's actually pretty nervous because he's sincerely serious about you! And—"

"That's quite enough," Ivan cut in sharply but softly, holding up his hand.

"But…"

Ivan smiled. "Matvey was quite right about you. I knew he was a good judge of character."

Gilbert frowned curiously. "What did he say exactly?"

"He said that at first you seem quite like Alfred, but that you are very loyal, determined, and sincere."

Gilbert loved being complimented, of course, but he felt surprised at how much more elated he was that Matthew had said such fond things about him. Brushing the momentary surprise off of his face, he grinned. "He's right about you too, y'know."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"He said you can seem intimidating and cold at first, but that you're actually quite a people person and you're actually very kind."

Ivan blinked in slight surprise. "Matvey said that?" He responded quietly, sounding a bit touched. People didn't usually see that side of him.

"Yeah." Gilbert smiled, patting him on the back. "Aww!" he thought to himself. "He's actually such a softie!"

"So," Gilbert added, "You really like me and Mattie, right? They say that birds of a feather flock together; you should really give Alfred a chance. Besides, I think you're a good example of how there's more to people than what you see on the surface, right?"

Ivan looked surprised for a moment, then sighed. "Well, I suppose you may be right. I don't really know Alfred well enough to judge him. He may not be a bad person, I don't know. However, he seems to have no tact, and he can't sense the mood, and... I'm not very good at expressing myself. I am really bad at dealing with that kind of person. He seems like a lot to handle. Too much for me."

Gilbert frowned, then grinned nervously. "But you can't really know until you've given him a chance, right?"

Ivan sighed again. "I will consider it. Not dating, I mean… but I will consider getting to know him a bit better. Just a bit."

Gil grinned broadly. "Well, it's a start!" He picked up a couple books off the cart. "So, how about I help you out with these and then when your shift's over we go out for a drink?"

Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"Because Mattie got to have coffee with ya, and I demand a friendly outing as well, to cement our newfound friendship!"

"Who said we were friends?" Ivan responded somewhat more coldly than he had meant to, trying to mask his shyness around someone new. He immediately regretted it, but was relieved when Gilbert threw his head back and laughed, not bothered at all.

"I did, of course! You can never have too many!"

Ivan gave a small smile. "It's a little early for drinking, isn't it? Why not coffee?"

Gil grinned, patting him on the back. "Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere! Besides, coffee is for when you're sleepy. I'm pumped! I wanna have some fun! C'mon, let's go party!"

Ivan smiled, a little uncomfortably. "I don't mind drinking, but I don't exactly think I have experience with the sort of 'partying' you refer to..."

Gilbert smiled. "Aw, don't be nervous, man! It'll just be you and me. I won't judge. You can be as wild or as chill as you want. Just let it go! No need to worry about it."

Ivan smiled, still looking just a bit nervous. He really wasn't used to this sort of thing, but he really did want to give it a try. He summoned his courage. "Okay."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"You partied with him?! Awesome!" Alfred high-fived his best friend. As soon as Gilbert had returned, he messaged Alfred, who was at Gilbert and Matthew's room within moments, bursting in without so much as a knock.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "How come Gilbert makes friends with him and it's 'awesome', but I do it and I'm a home wrecker?"

Alfred pretended not to hear him. "So, what'd he say? Did you talk me up?"

"Well," Gilbert admitted, "He's not very good with people, and you kinda made a bad impression, so it's not like he's gonna adore you right away no matter what I say. But I talked you up a lot, and it seems like his opinion of you is really improving. I'm sure he's going to come around. It just might take a while."

"Awesome, man! I knew I count on you!" Alfred exclaimed. Matthew sighed in annoyance.

"What, so I don't get any credit for trying?"

Alfred turned his nose up at his brother. "Gil's my bro, my wingman. He actually _tried_ to get him to like me, which was sort of _the point_ of meeting up with him. Meanwhile you and him are thick as thieves and you won't try to convince him."

Matthew sighed. "Al, I'm sorry. It's not like I don't want you to be happy. He just didn't seem interested, and I was trying to respect his feelings. I don't want to be pushy. Friends are supposed to be supportive."

"So are brothers."

Matthew opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it and sighed. "Look, it's not like I just talk bad about you to him all the time. I say nice things sometimes too. But I don't want to nag him or anything. If he says no, I leave it at that. I'm not really comfortable being pushy after someone says no."

"Gilbert managed to get him partway there."

Matthew sighed in frustration. "I'm just not good at this sort of thing, okay?! Sorry for being a crappy brother," he muttered, burying his face into his homework on his desk.

Al frowned, feeling a bit guilty. "Dude, you're not a bad brother at all. You're always going out of your way to do nice things for me, even if I annoy the crap outta you sometimes. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, 'kay?"

Matthew looked up and smiled, happy to share a rare moment of sincerity with his brother. "Okay. I won't nag him, because I don't think it's fair, but I'll definitely make sure he knows you're a good guy. And if he chooses where to go from there, I'll respect his choice, but if he asks my opinion… I'll definitely tell him that you'd make an awesome boyfriend."

"Of course I would!" Alfred grinned. "Just look at these abs!" He pulled up his shirt, and Matthew sighed and facepalmed.

"Moment ruined."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a review on your thoughts from this chapter!

Once again, thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	9. The Clown Prince of Crime

I'm sorry that there was a long time between chapters! Life has been all over the place lately. Please keep in mind I will not abandon this fic. If I don't update for a while it's because I'm busy; however I've planned this fic all the way through to the end, and I love it to pieces, and I will definitely update eventually. Thanks for your patience! Without further ado, enjoy Chapter 9!

END OF WEEK THREE

Alfred had been reading at a rapid pace.

Sunday to Monday – _The Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes_

Tuesday – _Dracula,_ _Frankenstein_

Wednesday – _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_, _The Picture of Dorian Gray_

Thursday – _The Invisible Man_, _Alice in Wonderland &amp; Through the Looking Glass_

Since Friday, he had been working his way through _Grimm's Fairy Tales_. Toris swore that reading made Alfred practically giddy. He flipped each page with the excitement of a child opening a Christmas present, although it didn't stop him from singing along with LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I Know It". How in the world did he sing and read at the same time? He didn't even seem to realize he was doing it. Belting out his favourite songs seemed like second nature to him; he didn't even have to think about it.

Toris cleared his throat, finally determined to stand his ground. "Al?"

Alfred gave him a "Mm?" of half-acknowledgement as he continued reading.

"_Alfred._"

He could barely hear himself over the music. He turned off the iPod dock and Alfred's head shot up.

"Hey, why'd you turn it off?"

"I'm trying to talk to you, Alfred! Besides, can't you play something else? This song has been on repeat for hours!"

Alfred blinked. "It has?"

Toris facepalmed. "We need to have a serious talk."

Alfred grinned. "Ah, finally confessing your love for me? About damn time!"

Toris rolled his eyes. "I am not in love with you."

Alfred frowned sadly. "What? But everyone loves me!"

Toris sighed. "Alfred, you may be eccentric, but you are a dear friend to me. I'm worried about your wellbeing."

Alfred frowned seriously. "Why?"

"Because you're throwing your life away! This isn't high school anymore—you can't just slack off and expect to get by! I don't want to see you flunk out. You're capable of so much more!"

Alfred smiled and patted Toris on the shoulder. "Relax, man, I'm doing fine. Don't worry."

"Do you have any evidence to support that?"

Alfred stuck his nose back in his book and pointed to the binder on his desk. "Folder at the back," he mumbled, becoming once again absorbed.

Toris frowned suspiciously and opened the binder, flipping through to the final section. It was crammed full of folded and scrunched up papers. He pulled one out. It was one of Alfred's exams. He blinked in disbelief at the eighty-five in the corner and went through the rest of the test papers. Eighty. Eighty-seven. Seventy-nine. Eighty-three. Ninety-five?!

"Alfred, when in the world did you study for these?!"

Al shrugged half-heartedly. "I didn't. I just remembered stuff from class."

Toris nearly slapped himself in the face. "You did all this just from memory?"

"Yeah. See? Told ya I got it covered."

Toris stood in silence for a moment. Suddenly, he leapt on Al's bed, knocking him over.

"_Gah!_ Geez, what is it now?"

"_You're a genius, Alfred!_"

Alfred blinked. "Isn't that what I always say?"

"Yeah, but nobody thought you were serious!" Toris grabbed him by the collar. "What if you actually put in some effort?! You could be capable of anything! You could graduate with honors! Get any job you want! For goodness sake, don't be so lazy!"

Alfred blinked, clearly surprised. "Wow, Toris, you got quite a lot of energy today."

Toris sighed and crawled off Al, sitting down beside him with his legs crossed. "Al, I just... I care about you. And I want to see you do your best. You're so amazing at your best. Any friend would want that for you, right? Just try a little bit."

Alfred rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed. "But all that crud is _so_ boring!"

Toris put his hands on his hips. "Well then find something that's not boring! There must be some kind of job you'd enjoy. Find a passion and pursue it!"

Alfred sighed. "Yeah, there probably is one. But I have no idea what it is."

Toris paused. "You seem to enjoy reading. What about English?"

"Ew. Just because I like to read for fun doesn't mean I wanna study it."

"Maybe you'd want to write, then?"

Alfred frowned. "I've never written anything before."

"Maybe your newfound love for reading will give you a new perspective on English? All I'm saying is it's something to think about, okay?"

"Yeah. Sure." Alfred paused. "Actually, since we're having a little heart-to-heart... Could I ask you a favor?"

x

Toris sighed wearily. How did Alfred convince him to do this? He walked up to the tall man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Erm, hello? Ivan?"

The man turned, violet eyes focused on him. They were cold for a moment, then widened in surprise before softening. "Yes? Can I help you?"

Toris shifted uncomfortably. "I'm, um, Alfred's roommate."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. "What? Seriously?"

"Yes."

Ivan chuckled. "Poor thing."

"Ha, yeah… Um… Alfred sort of sent me here to spy on you."

Ivan smiled mischievously, crossing his arms. "Oh, did he?"

"Yeah, but I'm not really comfortable with that so I'm just here so I can say that I tried. So, uh, sorry to bother you. I'll leave now."

"Really? You're leaving?" Ivan frowned sadly. This guy was actually pretty handsome. And his shyness? So adorable.

He remembered the previous week when he went out with Gilbert. He had gotten pretty damn drunk, and had acted like a giggling idiot while gossiping. He had probably divulged more information than he should have. He just wanted to grow close to someone; he was tired of being alone, and Gilbert seemed pretty easy to open up to.

He told Gil that he put on a cold attitude to cover up his shyness, and that he had trouble properly expressing himself sometimes.

"Look, man. You're a tall, muscular glass of whipped cream!" Ivan frowned, not sure what he was getting at. "You're smart like Steinburg, (Ivan was pretty sure he had meant Einstein but whatever, he was totally hammered), and you've got great taste. You know what you want. You go out there and get it! Confidence is a leadership quality. People love it. Just _go for it, bro!_" Gilbert screamed with enthusiasm as Ivan gigglesnorted. "Trust me! Just throw yourself in there! Take a chance! It could change your life!"

"You think?"

"Yup! Step one, find someone you like. Step two, _confidence!_" Gil shrieked. "Step three, profit!"

Ivan cleared his throat nervously. So he had found someone he was interested in. Hell, he should just go for it. He put a large hand on Toris's shoulder, startling him. Toris turned around slowly and went white with terror.

Ivan was never good at forcing smiles. His eyes were wide with either confidence or a crack addiction, and his pupils contracted with a creepy sort of glee. The large, terrifying, awkward grin plastered on his face was reminiscent of a certain clown prince of crime. Toris was so horrified he couldn't speak.

"You're very cute. You wanna hang out tonight?" Ivan whispered eagerly, smiling like a psychopath who has found his next victim.

Toris opened his mouth, so scared that a squeaky gasp was all that came out. They stood there frozen like that for a few moments until Toris regained feeling in his legs and bolted like his life depended on it.

Ivan frowned in disappointment. "I don't think I did that right."

Note to self: Practice flirting. Sigh.

X

Alfred frowned. "Toris, what happened? You look awful."

Toris, out of breath from running all the way back, huffed and slowly sat down in his chair. "Nothing. Nothing at all." He shuddered and opened his textbook as Al shrugged and went back to his reading.

X

Thanks for reading the latest chapter! Please leave me a review and let me know how you liked it!

Also, thanks as always to Anon990 for editing!


	10. The Last Crusade

Thanks for your reviews, guys! I'll respond as soon as this is posted! I've had this done for a few hours, but due to a power outage in L.A. the internet was down, unfortunately.

Anyways, enjoy!

MIDWEEK FOUR

Matthew hurried into the café. His eyes searched frantically for his friend. Ivan was sitting at a table in the corner, staring wearily out the window. Matthew walked over and plopped his bag down, taking the empty seat.

"Ivan, what's wrong? What's the emergency you texted me about?"

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have bothered you, but..." Ivan trailed off, his eyes in the distance.

"Hey, it's no big deal. What are friends for, right?"

Friends. The word made him smile. The sight of Ivan's face lit up with adorable, innocent happiness made Matthew smile too.

"Well, the thing is... this might be sort of weird."

Matthew frowned. "What is it?"

Ivan looked around, the look on his face intense, then leaned in closely, motioning for Matthew to come closer as well. Matthew did and blushed as he felt Ivan's hot breath. For a moment he sort of understood why his brother was so fixated on him.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Matt! You're supposed to be helping him!"

Ivan's expression was grave. He opened his pretty lips, and in a shaky whisper asked a question as though it would determine the fate of the universe.

"How do you flirt with guys?"

Matthew simply gazed back for a few moments in disbelief.

"Matthew?"

"Um, yeah. What did you say again?"

Ivan blushed slightly and shifted uncomfortably. "You're going to make me say it again?"

"I think I heard you, but, just, what? Why?"

"Well, I met a guy the other day and I scared him off. I've been trying to grow more accustomed to people lately, and, well, I'm not doing too well. So I wanted your advice."

"Yeah, but flirting specifically?"

"General stuff would help, too. It would be nice to get a boyfriend. I mean, someday." Ivan blushed slightly, cracking a sweet little smile at the corner of his lips before shaking it off. "So what do you think?"

Matthew panicked a little. He had no idea what to say. "Why ask me specifically?"

"Because you're my friend, Matt." Ivan replied simply.

"Yeah, but didn't you and Gilbert become friends, too?"

"Gilbert and I are more casual friends. Getting drunk together doesn't really establish an intimate connection. You're honestly the only person I feel comfortable talking to about this sort of thing." He blushed again, and looked away.

Matthew found himself blushing too. It was a very warm feeling, to have someone so shy open up to him.

"I guess. I mean, I don't really know what to tell you, though. Why the sudden change of heart? I thought you tended to dislike most people," Matthew questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Honestly, I've never had a close friendship with someone before. I've never had a friend I could message any time of day and talk. It's nice. I thought that maybe I would like more friends like that," he mumbled softly.

Matthew smiled. "That's sweet, Ivan."

Ivan blushed furiously and pulled his scarf over his lower face. "Hush, you."

"Well, I'd love to help, but I'm not sure what kind of advice to give on this matter. I've never really flirted with a guy. I mean, I could ask Alfred for you..."

Ivan scowled lightly. "No, thank you."

Matthew laughed. "Aw, he's not so bad. He's actually really good with people. I know you get kind of uncomfortable when he flirts with you, but honestly, he's the best one for this kind of advice. I'm sure he'd answer any question or do any favor if it's you asking."

"Well... could you try?"

"Hm." Matthew frowned thoughtfully. "Making friends is a lot easier than flirting. A good way is probably to find a common interest and bond over that."

"I see. That makes sense," Ivan replied, scribbling it down in his notebook.

Matthew snickered playfully. "You don't have to write it down, silly!"

Ivan frowned. "But I write everything down. It helps me organize my thoughts."

"Okay, then. Whatever works."

"What about guys you like?"

Matthew flushed a little himself. "Hm. I could honestly use some advice in that category myself."

"Ah, Gilbert?"

They had spoken much about Matthew's crush. He blushed hard. "Yeah."

"I'm not sure…" Ivan paused. Then his eyes lit up. "Matthew! I have an idea!"

x

Ivan and Matthew trotted into a library study room with a stack of self-help romance books, and began studying and sharing their findings.

"It says here that gifts can be a show of affection," Ivan offered, breaking the silence. Matthew shook his head.

"I'm a poor student. I couldn't get him anything nice. Besides, winning someone over like that is sort of shallow."

"I see. I suppose you're right."

Silence.

"It says that learning about the things he likes can make him grow closer to you," Matthew observed.

"Oh? That sounds like a good idea," Ivan replied.

"What kind of stuff does the guy you like enjoy?"

Ivan frowned. "I'm not sure, actually. I only briefly met him."

"Oh." Matthew frowned too. "I suppose that doesn't work when you've just met. You kinda have to get past that first."

They resumed reading, and once again silence filled the room.

"Ah... here's something," Ivan spoke up. "It says here that practice is a very good way to learn social skills."

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard to learn something so subjective and verbal from just reading a book."

"I suppose so."

They paused. Then sighed and dropped their books.

"Fine, let's practice."

"Huh? Practice how?" Ivan questioned.

"By trying it on each other."

"Really?"

"Would you rather go do it out in public around people we don't know?"

Both of them shuddered as their introverted nature kicked in. "No," they both responded in unison, shaking their heads.

"Okay, I'll pretend to be a guy you think is really cute, and you try making casual conversation with me."

Ivan gulped. "Okay."

Ivan waddled nervously over to Matthew, flinging back his hair with his hands awkwardly and a little too dramatically. "Heee-eey," he said in a shrill whisper, his voice weak and cracking, in an attempt to sound seductive.

Matthew frowned. "Um, hi?"

Ivan leaned awkwardly to the side with a hand on his hip, and tilted his face up at an odd angle with wide, terrifying eyes. "How are _you?_" He raised his eyebrows up and down vigorously and slowly. Matthew quickly felt uncomfortable.

"Maybe we should take a break—"

Ivan slammed his open palms down on the table, moving his shoulders like a crouched tiger about to pounce. His eyes were wide and intense (almost terrified), and the lower half of his face looked completely expressionless. He raised a shaking arm and pointed at Matthew. "I want you," he hissed, gritting his teeth. He pulled back a bit, took a huge gasp of air, and strutted next to Matthew like Ace Ventura at a fashion show.

He leaned close into Matthew's face, and Matthew felt his skin crawl. "_You are very appealing,_" he whispered so shrilly Matthew could barely hear him.

Ivan huffed, taking in another gasp of air before falling to the ground clutching his chest. Matthew panicked and began to fan the socially awkward Russian man as he had a profoundly painful panic attack.

An hour later, Ivan was still red in the face and taking deep breaths while Matthew had his head in his hands.

"Ivan?"

"Yeah?"

"I… don't think you should act in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe just be yourself."

Ivan sighed. "I think so too."

END OF WEEK FOUR

Alfred raised a fist in the air at 3:00 am. "At last! My crusade is complete!" He shouted. His roommate awoke, startled, before sighing and rolling back over to sleep. Alfred opened up their window and shouted "_Worship me, peasants!_" to the whole campus, then proceeded to breakdance in the middle of the room.

He had finally completed his reading list. This week he had finished _Grimm's Fairy Tales_ on Monday, read _Paradise Lost_ and _Diary of a Young Girl_ on Tuesday, _Lord of the Flies_ and _To Kill a Mockingbird _on Wednesday, and spent the rest of the week completing the _Harry Potter_ series.

Finally! He was finished! Now he could have intelligent conversations with his sweet Russian mancandy!

…Wait, what? Oh, yeah, that's why he was doing this. He had actually forgotten.

Alfred felt a slight twinge of sadness. For some reason all he wanted to do was continue reading. But his crusade had come to an end.

"This sucks. I need more books to read."

His face lit up. What a perfect excuse to go to the library! Killing two birds with one stone! He just had to wait until the next afternoon when Ivan would be working.

Alfred was definitely too excited to sleep, so he turned on his music (this time "Separate Ways" by Journey—because every crusade must have epic music), and continued getting down in his dorm room while Toris rolled over and groaned, pulling a pillow over his head.

X

Haha! That chapter was all sorts of awkward. I think I used the word "awkward" to describe Ivan like 20 times. Sorry! I have a hard time being funny when the crazy guys (America and Prussia) aren't there.

Anyways, thanks so much for reading! Please leave me a comment if you liked it! Also, many thanks to editor Anon990!

Please stick around!


	11. Lord Of The Fly

Matthew sighed wearily, looking over his paper.

"Whatcha doin', Birdy?"

Matt nearly leapt a foot in the air and slammed his paper down. "_Gil!_ You're back early from practice!" He shoved the paper into his binder and zipped it shut.

"Yeah, me and Al got in trouble with the coach again. I think he nearly had an aneurysm. We thought it'd be funny to put a snake in one of the cheerleader's bags, but apparently she had a crappy sense of humor." He peered over Matt's shoulder, grinning. "What're you workin' on?"

"N-nothing," Matthew stammered. Gilbert grinned wider, intrigued.

"Hiding something, Birdy? That's cruel. I didn't know we kept secrets from each other."

"I'm perfectly entitled to my privacy," Matthew muttered, clearly in a bad mood.

"Aw, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon! If you don't tell me, I'll have to interrogate you!" He smirked mischievously.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "What're you gonna—_gahahaha!_" He laughed as Gilbert began tickling his sides.

"Don't, Gil! I'm too ticklish! That's not fair!"

"I won't stop until you tell me!"

"Stop, Gil, stop!" He giggled. "I mean it! _Stop!_" He roared, pushing a startled Gilbert back. He paused. "Sorry." He grabbed his bag and went towards the door. He hung his head down low, and muttered, "I don't want to talk about it." He slammed the door on his way out.

Gilbert immediately whipped out his phone.

Alfred was getting ready to go out when his phone rang. Of course he _always_ answered a call from his best friend. He whipped open his phone dramatically, flipping his hair flamboyantly before striking a pose and putting it to his ear. "What's going on, sexy thang? A bit early for a booty call, isn't it?"

He was met with silence.

"Gil?" It was very rare for Gilbert to be silent, at least when around his best friend. "Gil, are you okay?"

"I'm worried."

Gilbert sounded serious. Alfred immediately dropped the smile for a rare serious expression. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Matt's acting not like himself. I'm really worried about him."

"Yeah? He must've been acting pretty damn weird if you're so worried over it."

"He won't even tell me what's wrong."

Alfred paused. "Look under his mattress."

"What?"

"Mattie always hides secret stuff there. If he's hiding anything, maybe you can find some clues. That, or his collection of dirty magazines. Well, I'm going off to see Ivan. Let me know what you find out, okay? Call or text if you need me. Later."

After they hung up, Gilbert slowly approached the bed. He felt uncomfortable invading Matt's privacy, but he was really quite worried.

He lifted up the mattress and smirked slightly. "Damn, Birdy." He lifted the dirty magazines, grinning, then noticed the papers underneath and picked them up curiously. His eyes skimmed the files and his expression became sad.

"Aw, Birdy..."

xxxxxxx

Alfred merrily strolled into the library and was hit with a newfound sense of wonder at the endless shelves of novels he hadn't read yet. Where would he begin?! He felt almost overwhelmed with joy but had no idea where to go next. He had previously looked up recommended books online or in his roommate's English textbook. Maybe he should ask someone who worked there.

Oh, right! That's what he was here to do, to see Ivan! Alfred grinned. Hot Russian mancandy and an endless supply of unread novels? This was the best place in the world!

A hand tapped on Ivan's shoulder and a familiar voice addressed him. "Hey, gorgeous. Miss me?"

Ivan turned around to see—what a surprise—Alfred. He sighed wearily. "You still haven't given up?"

"I'm no quitter!" Al replied, grinning as Ivan rolled his eyes. "Besides, I have a reason for coming here."

"Being?"

Alfred smirked proudly. "I'd like you to recommend a book, please."

Ivan snorted coldly. "We're a university library. We don't have a children's section."

Alfred laughed. "You're funny, Ivan. No, I was hoping you could recommend something good. What kind of books do you enjoy?"

"I enjoy literary classics."

"Cool, me too! More specifically?"

He sighed. How to get him to go away? Perhaps suggest a book above his skill level. "_Beowulf_, perhaps."

"Oh, I've read that one already. It was good."

He frowned. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. The movie didn't do it justice."

He paused. "_Life of Pi_?"

"That's one of my favs, man! It was so beautiful. I swear, I nearly cried. Um, manly tears, of course. Forged with sweat and blood. Because, y'know, I work out." He posed like a Greek statue. Ivan frowned.

"_Lord of the Flies_?"

"Man, that one was deep."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Really? Do you even understand these novels?"

"Well, I wouldn't say 'understand' since most great novels can be interpreted in many ways, though I believe Golding actually made quite a few statements about what his book meant. He believed that humans at the core were evil. I enjoyed the book so I read up on him a bit, actually; he was apparently an elementary school teacher and decided to explore the cruel nature of children in his book. What a pessimist, right? The religious themes were interesting too, like the representation of the devil versus the representation of god? And how the devil won out? It was a really interesting take on the dark side of human nature. But damn, that author must be a pessimist, huh? Even more of a drama queen than Shakespeare in my opinion—and that's not easy, considering he turned a tale of stupid puppy love into one of the greatest tragedies of all time."

Ivan stood there, dumbfounded. His mouth slowly opened, but no words came out.

"Haha! Are you struck speechless by my intelligence? Dude, I always knew I was smart, but I'm even more awesome than I realized!"

"I thought you said reading was for nerds," Ivan responded quietly.

"Well… yeah. I'm not a nerd, though. I work out. Like, the only reason I started reading was to impress—" He turned red for a moment, paused, then carried on confidently, "Um, so that we'd have more to talk about. But it was actually really fun. Like, _really_—" He caught himself again, clearing his throat. "Um, yeah. Reading's not so bad."

"Funny. You insult something, but it's okay when you like it," Ivan retorted.

"Hey, being a nerd just means you enjoy things classified as 'nerdy', right? That's not an insult. No more of an insult than saying someone's a 'goth' or a 'jock', right? It's just a classification of interest. Besides, I obviously don't have a problem with dorks. I mean, my own brother's the king of dorks. And I mean, I like you, right?" Alfred grinned and Ivan got slightly flushed at his straightforwardness and how he earnest he seemed.

"Look, why don't I buy you a cup of coffee and we can talk about this stuff?" Ivan's eyes widened in alarm. Alfred sensed his panic. "No pressure or anything—all I want to do is buy you a coffee. Just once. Please?"

Ivan was very startled. Who knew this guy was actually intelligent? Who knew that they might have something in common? Even more surprisingly, he was actually being somewhat of a gentleman. Somewhat.

Perhaps Gilbert and Matthew were right. Perhaps he _was_ wrong about Alfred.

He sighed shakily and cleared his throat. "Okay," he replied softly.

Alfred beamed, nearly glowing.

"Really? Alright!" He pumped his fist into the air, then quickly regained his composure. "Aha, I mean cool. That's cool." He crossed his arms and nodded with a confident "cool-guy" pout. "When do you get off?"

"A couple hours."

"Okay! I'll just be browsing until then."

For the next two hours Ivan worked quickly, feeling incredibly nervous but at the same time strangely excited for a reason he couldn't explain.

xxxxxxx

Please excuse the bad pun title, haha. (Alfred indeed would refer to himself as 'fly', despite the slang being way outdated. He's purposely lame like that.)

Sorry this chapter took so long! Been busy with life. I have not given up on this fic, though! I still have many ideas for it. So please stick around!

I really appreciate every review! Thanks so much! Please tell me what you liked or didn't like, I'll try to work on it!

Thanks to editor Anon990!


	12. Zooboomafoo!

Ivan fidgeted nervously in his seat, biting his lip and averting his eyes as Alfred plopped down and handed him a cappuccino. Al took a vigorous sip of his drink and shuddered triumphantly. "They have the best damn hot chocolate here! It tastes best when it's scalding."

Ivan shrugged and averted his violet eyes once more. The next thirty minutes consisted of a mainly one-sided conversation as Alfred rambled on and on about the books he'd read, his interpretations, and his feelings.

Normally Ivan felt uncomfortable around people who were outgoing and straightforward. He got along with Gilbert after Matthew had convinced him to be open to new experiences, but honestly Gil was still someone he felt uptight around. He preferred to be in the presence of someone calm; someone who made him feel secure and comfortable. Someone like Matthew, whom he didn't feel nervous or self-conscious around.

However strangely enough, he enjoyed Alfred's chatter. Someone taking over a conversation and rambling would usually seem rude to Ivan, whether they were doing it on purpose or not, but as Alfred excitedly discussed their similar interests with a childlike gleam in his eyes, Ivan actually found it kind of... cute.

Alfred really wasn't so bad. Ivan didn't know why he had been so stubborn. He really just felt intimidated by bold people. Not to mention he found hitting on complete strangers rude, crude, and shallow. A guy who gave off a player vibe like Alfred was the last kind of person he ever saw himself getting along with, let alone dating.

Oh my god, was this a date?

Ivan's cheeks flushed. Alfred had been going on for quite a while, and Ivan's mind started to wander. Would a date really be so bad? The idea made him both excited and incredibly nervous. "I'm not ready for a date," he panicked internally.

"Yo, angel eyes."

Ivan blinked. "Yes? Me?"

"Yeah. You listenin'?"

"Oh. Yes. I'm sorry," Ivan replied nervously, brushing his hair back.

"I've been talking a lot, haven't I? Sorry." Alfred laughed. "I'm like a raging manly hurricane! My approach to life is to hit it with everything I've got, so I can see how you might find that overwhelming."

"I guess," Ivan replied gently. "But you're not really bothering me now."

"Really?" Alfred popped up from his slouch like a cat hearing the sound of a bag of treats. "_Awesome!_ I mean, cool. That's cool." He tried to contain his excitement, slouching back down and crossing his arms with a rapper pout. He must remain aloof at all costs.

"It's sort of enjoyable to listen to you be passionate about something." Ivan smiled bashfully, his sentimental gaze directed towards the floor.

Alfred clutched at his chest in shock. Oh god, if this were that moment in cartoons, his heart would've popped right out of his chest. Or if it were an anime, he would've most definitely gotten a nosebleed. What did they call that? 'Doki-doki' or something? 'Moe'? Err... not that he would know, of course. He only liked manly animes. Like Dragon Ball Z. He _totally_ never snuck into his brother's room when he wasn't home and read his secret stash of shoujo manga. No way, no how.

X

Matthew returned looking weary. "Hey, Gil," he muttered. He paused. Gilbert was sitting on his bed with a forlorn expression, holding a stack of papers. "Hey!" Matthew snapped, swiping to snatch the papers from his hand. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Gilbert held the pages out of reach. His expression was stern. "Why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

"Because it's my business!"

"Oh, really? Because I thought we were friends. I don't hide things from you."

"It's embarrassing!" Matthew shouted, tears rolling down his face. "I didn't want to tell you that I'm failing everything!" He flopped down on his bed miserably, head in his hands. Gilbert pulled him gently into his arms and cradled him.

"It's okay, Matt."

"No it's not," he sobbed. "I'm trying _so hard._ Al doesn't even have to try to get good grades! It isn't fair…" He sniffled, curling up in Gilbert's arms.

X

Alfred and Ivan were laughing and chatting away when Al's phone began playing "Hit Me Baby One More Time".

"Yo, just a sec. That's Gil." He flipped the phone open. "Dude, I'm on a date here!" He paused and his smile faded. "Mm-kay. I'm on my way."

Ivan's face became confused as Alfred swung his bag over his back and jumped up. "_Sorry,gottagotalktoyoulater!_" He shouted, racing out of the café and leaving Ivan alone. Ivan sat for a moment and scowled.

"Jerk," he muttered softly.

X

Matthew's sobbing had worn down to sniffles but he was still curled in Gilbert's arms. "How are you feeling, Birdy? Any better?" Matthew nodded. His arms wrapped around Gilbert's neck and he buried his face in it, sniffling. He didn't want to let go.

"_Mattie!_" Alfred shouted, bursting through the door.

Matthew jumped nearly ten feet in the air. Blushing wildly he snapped, "Geez, Al, what do you want?"

"Gil called me, of course!" Matthew glared at his roommate. Alfred pulled a chalkboard behind him into the room. "Now, let's get started!"

"Started? With _what?_"

"With finding a subject you're actually good at, dummy! So you don't have to leave!"

"_What?_"

"You're switching programs, genius!" Alfred rolled his eyes. He began to write on the chalkboard. "Now you've always had creativity, so maybe an intellectual pursuit with a creative outlet will be good for you—"

"But I don't wanna switch majors! I love art!" Matthew whined.

"Oh, yeah? How's that going for you?"

"I…" Matthew blinked hard as tears began to fill his eyes.

Gilbert flung his arms around him and held him protectively to his chest. "Stop being so harsh! You're upsetting my Birdy!"

Alfred raised an eye, grinning. "_Your _Birdy? Sorry, did you want me to leave so you guys can make out?"

Gilbert looked baffled for a moment, then seemed to consider it but shook his head. "Nah, this is way more important than making out."

Matthew's face turned beet red. "Wait, are you saying if we weren't busy you'd actually—"

Alfred cleared his throat loudly. "_Ahem?_" He tapped the chalkboard impatiently. "Anyway, it's time to start considering other options. Matt, what do you like aside from art?"

"Um, I don't know... Manga?"

Gilbert facepalmed.

"Well, time to find out! Let's go!"

"Wait, go where? _Ah!_" Alfred and Gilbert picked up Matthew like a large piece of furniture and stomped out the door singing, "We're going for an adventure, and we don't know what's in store! We're coming from the closet, and we're heading out the door!"

Matthew scowled. "What does this have to do with a closet?"

"Zoboomafoo?"

Matt frowned. "Zaboomawha?"

Alfred gave him a very serious expression. "I have never been so disappointed in you, Matthew."

They marched out despite Matthew's cries of protest.

X

Thanks for reading! I'm very sorry this took so long. I was working on finishing the chapter, then my computer crashed. Then life got really hectic. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and got very bad very quickly, and I've also been quite ill, perhaps in part because of my new medication. Also, one of my friends is going through a pretty bad depression right now. To be honest, with all that's going on, I forgot for a little bit about updating... but I'll try to be more frequent from now on. And, as promised, I will not give up on this fic. Thanks for all the support guys! I'll try to make it up to you with the next chapter soon!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	13. Gold Digger

Hello guys! First time I'm talking to you at the start of the chapter rather than the end, haha!  
First of all, thank you so much for your reviews and kind words! I'm sorry that lately I haven't had time to reply to each individually, it's just been one thing after another.

I decided that while I have a brief break, I might write another chapter today.

Also, just so you guys know, I'm communicating with an editing volunteer, so a fancy new and actually correctly worded version of previous and future chapters may be in the works! Look forward to it!

Enjoy the chapter! Love you guys!

X

Still carrying Matthew (much to his embarrassment), Gilbert and Alfred marched straight across campus and through the library's front doors. They marched up the stairs to the school resources and information department and plopped Matthew down in a chair.

"Be right back!" Alfred exclaimed, then hurried quickly out the door. The two sat in silence for an awkward fifteen minutes until they heard a crash and a scream. Matthew considered getting up, but decided against it. Finally, sweating and huffing, Alfred came out of the elevator, pushing the large chalkboard from before and carrying a backpack. Matthew was dumbstruck.

"Don't try to get this thing up three flights of stairs," Alfred wheezed. "Not easy. Nearly made it all the way, though."

Matthew blinked in disbelief. "Okay. Where did you get that thing, anyways?"

"Just borrowed it from one of my teachers."

"Does this teacher know that you've 'borrowed' their chalkboard?"

"Nah."

"Then that's stealing, Alfred."

"Only if you get caught. Now, onto business!" Alfred pulled his large boombox–iPod dock out of his backpack, and Matthew facepalmed as he plugged it into the wall and blasted "Stronger" by Britney Spears at full volume.

"Oh god, this is my jam," muttered Gilbert, tapping his legs nervously, resisting the urge to jump up and dance. Matthew raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. "What? Britney's a musical and visual goddess. She knows how to bring it to the dance floor."

"_Focus!_" Alfred shouted over the music. "Mattie, this is your entourage, like Rocky Balboa! This is when you work hard and get your life back on track! We have to explore options!"

The three of them spent hours scouring through course manuals, looking for things that might be appealing to Matthew who couldn't seem to make up his mind. Alfred had packed snacks and energy drinks, and well into the next morning, all three were asleep. The iPod had died, the library lights had been turned off long ago, and the three of them were forgotten off in a dusty corner, passed out on the table covered in books. Forgotten, that is, until a certain librarian found them while putting away books the next morning.

"Ahem."

No reply. He shook Alfred's shoulder. "Alfred," he snapped sternly. Alfred snored a little louder and shifted, not waking up. Ivan took in a deep breath. "_Alfred!_" He shouted, smacking him upside the head, startling all three into an awakened state.

"Wha?" Alfred blinked wearily and frantically, trying to make out his surroundings. Finally Ivan came into focus, his brow furrowed and lips pursed angrily. "Oh! Hey, Ivan." He stretched his arms out onto the table in a relaxed state, then grinned. "Can't complain, waking up to your face first thing in the morning, angel eyes."

Ivan became flustered, but it just made him angrier. "You won't sweet-talk your way out of this! I knew you were a good-for-nothing!"

"What? What did I do?" Alfred frowned confusedly.

"_You—_" Ivan looked like he might smack him again for a moment, then lowered his arm to his side and clenched his hand into a fist. He averted his eyes, a tear pricking at the corner of one, desperate to fall. Looking flustered and sad, he muttered, "Fine, then. I knew I shouldn't have... Whatever." He began to leave until a bewildered but determined Alfred grabbed his hand.

"Hey, don't throw a tantrum if you're not even going to tell me what I did."

Ivan became even more flustered, embarrassed further at Alfred acting more mature than him. "You stalk and pester me and just when I start to think you're not all bad, you ditch me without a second thought!"

"What, our date?"

"What else would I be talking about?!"

"What, did you think I would leave a date with _you_ without a damn good reason? Did you stop and think about that?"

Ivan opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it.

"Mattie needed my help. He's flunking out."

Ivan blushed, looking ashamed. "Oh."

"What, you still immediately assume the worst of me?" Alfred questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Because I don't understand you! I don't even know why you're so interested. There's nothing interesting about—"

Alfred pressed a finger to Ivan's lips, grinning. "You're really new to the whole romance thing, aren't you? If you don't believe in yourself, believe in me at least, okay? And trust me, I have good taste." He gave Ivan a soft peck on the cheek and ruffled his hair gently. A bewildered Ivan went red in the face, staring off into space like he had no idea where he was.

He was smitten.

"_Ahem._" Ivan snapped back into reality as Gilbert waved at them. "I hate to interrupt your little moment, but Matt needs our help." Alfred laughed while Ivan's face burnt redder than a fire truck.

"R-right!" Ivan decided to completely ignore previous events and plopped down with them. "Let's get to work," he declared at a much higher pitch than normal, his voice cracking a bit with nervousness.

X

"What about computers? You can do artsy stuff with them, right?"

"I don't know!" Matthew wailed.

"But we've been through pretty much every possible major at this school!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you!" Matthew whimpered. "I know nothing about half of this stuff! How am I supposed to know if I'll like it?"

"Why not try them all?" Ivan suggested. They all turned to him, frowning in confusion. "Take every course and see which ones you like."

"There are, like, twenty different courses I can take at the beginner's level! I couldn't do all that in one year."

"You don't have to. Do it in one semester."

They looked at Ivan in bewilderment. He sighed. "Look. The introductory classes almost never overlap in schedules because first-years often have to take multiple courses for their degree. Plus you can pull out of a course with a full refund a month in. Take all the courses. Go to one class of each. Drop out of the ones you're sure you won't want. Drop out of some more after the second class. Do this until at the end of the one month period you've only got your top courses remaining."

"How can I tell with only one class?"

"That's simple. Just pick whatever you feel most passionate about for the subject matter."

"I thought there was a limit of how many classes you can take."

"When you register online there's an automatic limit in the system, but if you register with a guidance counsellor and give them a reason, they can make exceptions."

"But even if I get a refund, I'll need to pay for the classes first, right? How will I do that?"

"Hm, I suppose I could lend you the money for the extra courses." Ivan shrugged. "Since you'll get it back anyway."

"Erm, Ivan? Do you have any concept of how much college courses cost?"

"Fifteen extra courses? Will fifteen thousand be enough?"

Their jaws dropped. "Where did you get that sort of money?!" Matthew exclaimed in bewilderment. "You're just a—"

"A librarian?" Ivan raised an eyebrow coyly. "I do this because I love books, not to mention this library is huge and only open to students and staff. I have no shortage of funds, I assure you."

"Wow," Alfred laughed. "I never knew I was a gold digger! Don't tell me you're, like, secretly a model too. Like, a super popular, super famous model? I can totally see that. You'd make a great model. Or a famous porn star? That would be aweso—_gack!_" Alfred exclaimed as his brother smacked him with a rolled-up magazine. He rubbed his head and pouted. "Sheesh, Mattie, what was that for?"

Matthew glared at him. "You know why!" Alfred ignored him.

"Well, now that we've solved that… What time am I picking you up tonight, gorgeous?"

Ivan blinked as everyone looked at him. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah. I still owe you a date, right? Let's hit the town!"

Ivan blinked in surprise, unintentionally lost in his daydreams. "Okay. I get off at four."

"Awesome! You want me to pick you up from work or home?"

"I'd like to get ready first, so... home, I suppose." He nervously scribbled down his address and handed it to a grinning Alfred.

"Great! Five o'clock, then. Get ready to have your world totally rocked, babe." He winked at Ivan while Matthew rolled his eyes at his brother's lameness. Ivan replied with a muffled, unintelligible noise of shyness and scuffled off awkwardly.

"Damn, he _needs_ to get laid," Gilbert commented. Matthew gasped and smacked him. "Ow! What? He does! He's totally tense! You could use a little something-something too, to be honest—Ow! _Ow,_ stop! Why are you hitting me, Birdy?!"

X

Haha! Subtlety is not the language of Gilbert. I don't think it's even in his vocabulary.

Well, hope you enjoyed it, though I sort of just pulled this one out of my butt due to short notice. Sorry about that. Lots more story to come though, so stick around! Comments are very much appreciated! They are the lifeblood that keeps me writing!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	14. Samurai Flamenco

Alfred was dumbfounded. From the address he'd assumed 401 Bentick Avenue, Unit 14 was an apartment. But lo and behold before him was the fanciest building he had ever seen. It must've been a hotel only affordable by celebrities.

"He's a model, I _knew_ it! Hopefully this doesn't turn out like _Samurai Flamenco_."

He walked across the property (and a large property it was, with many fancy flower gardens and a couple intricate fountains) and finally reached the complex. The glass doors glided open for him automatically. He pressed the button for Unit 14. After a moment, he heard a reply.

"Yes?"

"Yo, gorgeous."

He heard a sigh. "Come in."

The door clicked and slid open, and he waltzed merrily inside. He got an odd look from a woman in a fur coat in the lobby.

Grinning, he knocked at Unit 14's door. "Hey, Ivan! Did you wear something sexy for me?" He joked. The door snapped open.

"Don't shout things like that in the hallway!" Ivan hissed, pulling him inside.

Alfred's jaw hit the floor. "Whoa."

The ceilings were high like in a museum. The floors were marble. He'd never seen a hotel this fancy before. Awestruck, he wobbled over to the couch and flopped down, curling up into a ball. "Oh my god," he moaned.

"Alfred? Are we going?" 

"Yeah, yeah… just a minute…"

Ivan cleared his throat in annoyance. Alfred sighed and wearily left the couch, reaching out for it longingly as he followed Ivan out of the condo.

Finally he turned his attention to his date. Ivan was wearing an oversized knit sweater and a scarf, as he usually did, but despite the nerdy look, Alfred found it quite endearing. The huge man looked adorable in oversized clothes, though Alfred was a bit disappointed that Ivan didn't get dressed up for him.

Well, it wasn't like he wore a tuxedo or anything. Although his jeans didn't have rips in them or show off his boxers when he bent over so that had to count for something, right?

"Where are we going?" Ivan asked curiously. Alfred held his head back and laughed.

"You'll see!"

"Are we taking your car?"

"No, I don't have a car. I just walked." Alfred laughed nervously. "I figured we could take the bus."

"Would you mind if we took my car?"

Al's head popped up like an excited puppy. "You have a car?"

"Yes?" Ivan raised an eyebrow.

"Show me, show me, _show me!_" Alfred cooed, latching onto Ivan's arm as he pleaded. Ivan became slightly flustered and quickly agreed.

They went down to the garage and Alfred's jaw dropped when he saw what was parked in space 401.

"_You have a Ferrari?!"_

"Yeah, 1969. Had to be fixed up quite a bit when I got it. Some parts they don't make anymore had to be replaced, so I had to have them custom-made."

Alfred was drooling as he wobbled up to the scarlet convertible in disbelief. He laid his head down on the hood and hugged the car. "She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Ivan smiled. "You like cars?"

Alfred grinned. "_Yeah!_ I love 'em! Cars are the coolest! I didn't think they'd be your kind of thing, though."

"Well, even rich people need hobbies. My father and I fixed it up together when I was seventeen."

"Wow..." Alfred muttered in disbelief, touching the car delicately as though it might break.

"Would you like to drive?"

Alfred's jaw nearly detached and came off altogether.

X

"_Woohoooo!" _Alfred screamed in delight.

"_Watch out!" _Ivan screamed in horror as they barreled down the city streets at ninety miles per hour, barely dodging traffic and civilians.

Ivan's fingers gripped the steering wheel, white as chalk, and his teeth gritted together so hard they might've broke. His eyes were wide in fear.

Just when Ivan began praying to every higher deity he could name, the car screeched to a _very _abrupt halt, jerking him forward. Alfred grinned. "That was awesome!" He turned to Ivan, who was still frozen in position, and laughed when he saw his date's hair sticking straight up. "Dude, you look like a Super Saiyan!"

"Look who's talking!" Ivan shot back, regaining the ability to speak. Alfred looked at his hair in the mirror and howled with laughter.

Ivan climbed out of the car quickly as he could, flopping down onto the cement in dizziness. Alfred ran around the car and helped him up. "Do you always get this carsick? That must suck."

Ivan was too busy trying not to throw up to point out that it was the fault of Alfred's driving. He looked up at the sign, still dizzy. It was some sort of café? It had a logo that looked somewhat like a cup of coffee, though his vision wasn't exactly focused at the moment.

Alfred helped him inside, holding open the door for him. Ivan's jaw was the one to drop this time.

A two-story tall café, all the walls lined with _books. _It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Instead of standard tables, there were coffee tables and comfy chairs. Al grinned at Ivan's reaction.

"It's a reading café! Like, a library where you can eat baked goods and stuff! Cool, right?"

Ivan's mouth flapped but all that came out were squeaking noises.

"Ivan? You okay?" He chuckled, putting a hand on Ivan's shoulder.

"It's _amazing!_" Ivan exclaimed, throwing his arms around Alfred in a sudden leap. "This is the best! How did you _find _this place?! Look at all the books! Oh my god, there's so many! They even have pie! This is... this is...!"

He paused for a moment. Alfred was frozen in shock as Ivan still had his arms around him. "Oh!" Ivan became quite red in the face and jumped back a few steps, clearing his throat. "Sorry."

Alfred's face had become red also. He was dumbstruck for a moment, then began nervously laughing to cover up his embarrassment. "Ahahaha! I'm totally the best, right?"

Ivan smiled sweetly. "Yeah."

Alfred clutched at his chest once again in shock. How was he so cute? He wanted to hug him and never let go—although, um, he was taking it slow of course. It wasn't that he was nervous. Alfred F. Jones is the man! I mean, sure, this was the first time he'd seriously fallen for anyone and he had no idea how to impress someone who didn't come flocking to him like people usually did, but he wasn't intimidated! Not at all!

His nerves quickly faded as they settled in. They spent the evening sipping hot chocolate and tea, eating pastries, and reading side by side curled up on a comfy couch. They never even bothered to check the time. Alfred looked up from the book he'd finished and realized it was dark outside. Man, how long had they been— Wait. What was that weight on his shoulder?

He glanced over and saw Ivan curled up fast asleep next to him, head leaning on his shoulder."Oh god," Alfred thought to himself. "He's so cute. I want to kiss him… No, don't do that, don't do that while he's asleep, it's creepy, it'll freak him out..."

Ivan's eyelids rolled halfway up. Half-asleep, he giggled drowsily. "Morning!" He planted a peck on Alfred's lips and laid his head back on his shoulder, dozing off again.

Alfred went absolutely crimson.

He jumped when the waitress addressed him. "Sir? I'm sorry, but I have to close the café now."

"Oh, okay. No problem. Thanks."

He paid their bill and contemplated what to do. Alfred couldn't bear to wake Ivan up; he was too cute. He decided to carry him out to the car.

As he wobbled out to the convertible lugging 200 pounds of pure muscle over his shoulder, he very much regretted this decision.

He laid Ivan down in the passenger seat as gently as he could, got behind the wheel, jerked the car back onto the road, and away they went. When they finally arrived at Ivan's home, Alfred turned to see Ivan's eyes wide open in absolute fright. "Hey! When did you wake up?"

"As soon as you started driving," Ivan replied shakily.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was frozen with fear."

Alfred laughed though Ivan had not been joking.

"Alright, sleepyhead, let me walk you to the door."

They made small talk as Alfred walked Ivan upstairs to his condo. At the front door, Alfred considered asking for a kiss. But, he knew Ivan was shy. Should he really—

His thought process was interrupted when Ivan abruptly grabbed him by the collar and planted a long kiss on his lips. Ivan pulled away nervously, face flushed, and exclaimed in a high-pitched crackling voice, "G-good night!" and quickly slammed the door in Alfred's face.

Alfred stood on his front step for a good five minutes, a finger to his lips in awe.

"...Oh. C-cool. Thanks."

X

Please review and let me know how you liked it! Constructive criticism is also welcome!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	15. Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

Matthew rested his head on his desk and sighed in boredom. "I'm really glad we got everything figured out, but new courses don't start until next term which leaves me basically nothing to do now that I've dropped this term's classes."

Gilbert, who was hard at work studying, turned to his roommate. "Why don't you draw something? That's usually how you kill time."

Matt pouted. "Yeah, but I suck at drawing."

"All the more reason to practice!" Gilbert joked. Matthew didn't laugh. "Hey, Birdy? It's not about whether you're good or bad. Just because you're not gonna make a career out of it doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you love. Besides, I love your art."

Matthew blushed lightly and buried his face in his arms. "It's really not that good."

"Aw, but I liked being a model! I was practically born for it! I mean, it's not possible to draw something bad with me as the subject matter, right?" He grinned. Matthew continued to pout. Gilbert leaned in close to his ear, smirking, and whispered, "Would it help if I posed naked?"

Matthew bolted up from his seat, face flushed, effectively head-butting Gilbert in the nose with a loud crunch.

"G-geez, Gil! Don't be a perv!" Matthew barked nervously while Gilbert wobbled back cradling his nose in his hands.

"What? It was a joke!" Gilbert replied in a muffled voice, wincing. "I joke like that with everyone!"

Matthew's face fell. "Everyone?"

"Yeah! It doesn't bother anyone else!"

Matthew scowled. "Why don't you go hit on someone else, then? Leave me alone!"

Gilbert frowned. "What? What's the big deal? You never cared before. I always joke around with you."

"Well, this may be news to you, but I don't enjoy being made fun of!"

Gilbert's face became more serious. "When did I say I was making fun of you?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "Oh, _please._ Flirt with the nerd you're totally not interested in? How is that not insulting?"

"I'm interested."

Matthew froze. Gilbert approached him, dangerously close, his gaze intense. "I'm interested," he repeated softly.

He raised a hand to touch Matt's face, but Matthew reeled backwards, tripping over his chair and landing on his butt. He quickly scampered to his feet. "I… I gotta go!" Matthew squealed, grabbing his tote bag and rocketing out of the room.

X

Gilbert sat on his bed, quietly contemplating.

His moment of silence was broken by the theme music to _The Emperor's New Groove_ as Alfred kicked open the door and shimmied his way inside.

"Who's the man? Who's the man?" Al exclaimed, dancing about. He jumped up on his brother's desk and continued to dance and chant, "I the man! I the man!"

Gilbert gave him a stern look.

He leapt from the desk dramatically, landing on the ground with a roll, and posed flamboyantly in front of Gilbert's bed, music still echoing from the iPod in his hand.

"Alfred."

"Gil, it was _so _awesome!"

"Alfred," he repeated.

"I'm in _love!_" Alfred yanked Gilbert up from the bed by the waist and swung him around effortlessly, like a young girl dancing with a rag doll, while humming the tune to _Once Upon A Dream._

"Alfred!" Gilbert snapped.

Alfred immediately stopped dancing. "Gil? What is it, what's wrong?"

x

"Poor Mattie."

Gilbert frowned as he crammed ice-cream straight from the carton into his mouth. "What do you mean, poor Matt? What about _me?_ What did I do wrong?"

"He's had a crush on you since forever."

Gilbert raised an eyebrow, and tried hard not to grin. His attempt failed. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"You're sure?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "I know my brother, Gil."

Gilbert paused, licking the chocolate chunk ice-cream from his lips. "Then why'd he run?"

Alfred shrugged. "What can I say? He's awkward."

"But what should I do?"

Alfred cleared his throat. "Well, normally in this situation I'd recommend a wingman. However, given how serious the situation is, I'd recommend two."

x

Gilbert fixed the tie on his tuxedo uncomfortably. He wasn't used to dressing up, and though he was excited, he was also a little nervous. His sweaty palm could barely hold onto the rose bouquet he was carrying.

He recalled Alfred's advice. "Matt likes to be alone sometimes. He's probably somewhere secluded outside."

Gilbert looked around the school gardens nervously. "What do I do if he's not here?" He wondered. "What do I do if he is?"

"Think he's got a shot?" Alfred whispered from behind a nearby bush.

"Shhhh," Ivan shushed him. He whipped out his cellphone, looking at his last sent message:

_Matt! It's an emergency!  
Come to the school garden, quick!  
-Ivan_

"So you're okay with this," Ivan confirmed. Alfred raised a brow.

"What do you mean?"

"Gilbert's your best friend, right?" Ivan frowned. "You're really okay with him being closer with your brother than you?"

Alfred's face went pale. "What do you mean?! Gil and I are like brothers! Bros before hoes, man! He'd never ignore me for a guy!"

"Would you ignore Gilbert for me?"

Alfred looked horrified. "You're right. Our friendship is doomed."

There was a thud behind Gilbert. He turned to see Matthew, who had just dropped his bag in shock. "Gil?! What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you."

Matthew was too overwrought to move. Gilbert inched closer and closer until he got down on one knee and thrust his bouquet towards Matthew.

"Go out with me!" He exclaimed. It sounded a little more like an order than he meant it to be.

Matthew's eyes grew wide. "What?"

"I can see what's happening," Alfred wailed from his hiding spot. "And they don't have a clue! They'll fall in love, and our friendship will be ruined!" He cried, bursting into song.

The two stayed frozen as they were, one on the ground, one standing up, until Matthew stammered, "I-I should go." 

"No, Birdy, wait!" Gilbert exclaimed.

"The sweet caress of twilight! There's magic everywhere! And with all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the air!"

"What is happening."

Gilbert tackled Matthew as the school intercom speakers burst into loud music.

_Can you feel_

_The love tonight?_

They rolled down through the flowerbed.

_The peace the evening brings_

Matthew landed atop of Gil as their tumble came to a halt.

_The world, for once, in perfect harmony_

They looked deeply into each other's eyes.

_With all it's living things..._

The speakers screeched and the music came to a halt, Matthew and Gilbert frozen. The principal cleared his throat. "Err, sorry, wrong record."

Matthew and Gilbert kissed wildly and passionately for what felt like hours.

Alfred smiled sadly. "And if he falls in love tonight... it can be assumed..." He cleared his throat and sighed. "His carefree days with me are history."

He watched his brother and best friend embrace. "In short, my pal is doomed." A single tear of both joy and sorrow rolled down his cheek.

"Wow. That was… intense." Ivan wasn't really sure what else to say.

Matthew and Gilbert smiled at each other, before Matt was knocked over by Alfred's boot and his brother screaming _"That's my bestie, home wrecker!"_

"That moment of compassion sure didn't last long," Ivan sighed.

x

Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know how you liked it!

Thanks to Anon990 for editing!


	16. Update

Hello all! I'm sorry it's been so long since the last chapter. But do not fret!

There will be more!

I am going to relaunch this fanfiction. Old chapters will be rewritten, still containing the best parts but adding extra jokes and content, as well as foreshadowing and with more plot, as now I have planned farther ahead than before. Don't worry though! The old chapters here will still be accessible. I will simply publish the new fic separately, and notify by adding an update chapter here like this one.

I have been very busy in real-life, and I am sorry I haven't been able to update regularly as I'd hoped. For the last year I had been taking care of a very close family member who was terminally ill, and who passed away this past week.

While I wish she was still with us, on the bright side I have more time for my hobbies again! Which is good news for anybody who enjoyed the original Love Library.

I've had a lot of fun writing this story and have many plans for it so I assure you I won't ditch it! I may even add the fic reboot to other sites as well, like Archive of Our Own and Tumblr. I think it would be awesome to give it a tumblr where I also reblog AmeRus and have bonus info and short-stories related to Love Library. That would be a lotta fun!

Look forward to it! I hope I can make you guys proud! Thanks for sticking with me so long! 3


	17. Rewrite Being Currently Published!

Hello! I've begun publishing a rewrite for this fanfiction! It's been planned from start to finish, with all the chapter details worked out, and it should be updated fairly regularly! You can check my profile for my fics to find the new one, Love Library V2! Please enjoy the new and improved version, as the first was a very rushed work! Thanks for your support and patience!


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